INT. DAY. CLASSROOM.
TEACHER: Hi everyone. I’m Mr. Wilson, your new modern history teacher.
BOY: Can you teach today’s history tomorrow, if you’re so modern?
TEACHER: There’s always one, isn’t there. I detect an accent, are you Scottish?
BOY: No, English.
TEACHER: You’re definitely Scottish.
BOY: Yeah, I’m from Scotland, my name’s English.
TEACHER: Ok. Can you keep quiet and pay attention please.
BOY: I have problems paying attention.
TEACHER: Why’s that?
BOY: I’m skint, that’s why.
PUPILS ARE GIGGLING AMONGST THEMSELVES.
TEACHER: I’m getting tired of your cheek.
BOY: Don’t look at it then.
BOY IS EATING AT HIS DESK .
TEACHER: Are you eating in class?
BOY: Yep, it’s a bloody mandarin.
TEACHER: Watch your language.
BOY: English, what’s yours?
TEACHER: If I had my way you’d be caned.
BOY: I get caned most nights.
TEACHER: Can everyone please open their books at once.
BOY: No, I’ll open mine at twice. (SFX LAUGHS).
TEACHER DRAWS ON BLACKBOARD. THE BOY THROWS 2 MANDARINS AND HITS THE TEACHER WITH ONE OF THEM.
TEACHER: (shocked) Who threw that mandarin. (shouting) English you’re history!
BOY: No you’re history and I threw two not one. Do the math.
ENDS.