Yes I know contriversal but thought Id try and have a pop at it
INT. LIVING ROOM WITHIN HOUSE. MORNING
(INSIDE OF AN UNKEMPT HOUSE. LIVING ROOM WITH SOFA, COFFEE TABLE, ABOUT 20 TO 30 CHILDREN AGED FROM 6 MONTH TO 2 YEARS ARE WALKING AND CRAWLING AROUND THE FLOOR.)
WOMAN (Thick Yorkshire accent)
'Ere I was watching telly before and that Ranulph Finennes bloke was on. Eh they were making reet fuss over him. How come no one makes a reet fuss over me
MAN (thick Yorkshire accent)
Well he is related to the royal family.
WOMAN
So wat?
MAN
He is the holder of several endurance records.
WOMAN
So thats nowt.
MAN
He was the first man to visit both the north and south poles by land.
WOMAN
'Tut' like thats anything to be chuffed aboot.
MAN
Well he is the first man to completely cross the Antarctic on foot.
WOMAN
Yeah but he hasn't got to bring up, love and cherish babbies has he.
SHE HITSONE OF THE KIDS ACROSS THE HEAD
WOMAN
Shameel-Demi stop it you little shite. Yeah what I need is some publicity like he has. I need to use my talents and make tons of money.
MAN
Yeah but what can you do?
WOMAN
Ive got skills, I'm special, you twat.
MAN
Yeah but what are you gonna do?
WOMAN
I know we'll get one of the babbies to hide at Suzy next door and we'll say she's gone missing.
MAN
Wot you mean aunt Suzy?
WOMAN
Yeah, or Gary around the corner.
MAN
What uncle Gary?
WOMAN
Yes, Or Elsie 2 doors down
MAN
Wot grandma Elsie?
WOMAN
Aye, or Pat over the road?
MAN
Wot granny Pat?
WOMAN
Yeah, or Eddie 2 streets along
MAN
Wot, Aunt Eddie, don't like him, he dresses funny.
WOMAN
Yes but thats the genius, they'll never suspect him, I'll say that Ive never met him before.
MAN
Didn't you shag him last week?
WOMAN
Yeah but they wont know that. Oh I can just see it now the fame and fortune, tell you what we need is a good PR Agent, someone thats on the same wave length as us, just as cunning and as sharp as a tack.
MAN
How about Jade Goody?
WOMAN
Perfect, after all she hasn't got where she is today by not being business savvie.
MAN
Just 1 question though?
WOMAN
Yeah?
MAN
Should I wipe all the kiddie porn off the computer?
WOMAN
Police never look for porn on people's computers where kiddies are involved, no one's ever been found guilty of that.
MAN
Aye suppose you are right, Ha Ha
WOMAN
God sometimes you just don't bleeding think about what you say or do.
Sorry meant to be controversial...