INT. HOUSE - NIGHT
A LIVELY PARTY. A PIE-EYED MAN KNOCKS BACK THE LAST OF HIS DRINK. A REVELLER INSTANTLY STICKS ANOTHER IN HIS HAND.
REVELLER
Get it down ya!
MAN
I'd better slow down! One more and I'll be…
CUT TO:
INT. BEDROOM - DAY
THE MAN WAKES WITH A START. HE'S COVERED IN CUTS.
MAN
…what's going on? What happened?
A WOMAN ROLLS OVER.
WOMAN
You don't remember? You got drunk and fell down the escalator!
MAN
It really hurts.
WOMAN
It was the 'up' escalator.
MAN
I feel like I'm dying.
WOMAN
I'll bet. Here, this will make you feel better.
THE MAN RELUCTANTLY ACCEPTS A BEER.
WOMAN
That's it, drink up.
CUT TO:
INT. KID'S BEDROOM – NIGHT
THE MAN IS STOOD BY A CRIB.
MAN
What the…?
A GURGLING NOISE. HE LOOKS DOWN TO SEE A BABY STARING BACK AT HIM.
MAN
Ahhhh.
THE WOMAN ENTERS. HER EYES WIDEN. THE MAN IS NAKED. HE BACKS AWAY, PANICKED.
MAN
Arrrgh!
HIS NUTS ARE CAUGHT IN THE BARS OF THE CRIB.
WOMAN
You sick bastard!
MAN
I don't know what happened! I don't know what…
CUT TO:
INT. HALL – NIGHT
THE MAN FINDS HIMSELF IN AN ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS MEETING.
MAN
…am I doing here?!
A COUNCILLOR PATS HIM ON THE SHOULDER.
COUNCILLOR
It's okay, you're with friends.
MAN
You're not my friends! I don't know you! Tell me what's going on!
AA MEMBER
He's on to us! The mission is in danger!
THE OTHER AA MEMBERS GRAB THE MAN AND PIN HIM DOWN. THE COUNCILLOR ADVANCES WITH AN OVERSIZED SYRINGE.
MAN
Get off me! Jesus Christ, what are you doing?
A BIG NEEDLE MARKED "PEACH SCHNAPPS" IS MAINLINED INTO HIS ARM.
CUT TO:
INT. BEDROOM - NIGHT
THE MAN WAKES SCREAMING. HE NOTICES THE WOMAN LAYING NEXT TO HIM.
MAN
Wake up! Something's happening!
SHE ISN'T MOVING. HE CHECKS HER PULSE.
MAN
Oh, God! Who did this? Why did this happen?
HE ROLLS HER OVER. CARVED INTO HER FOREHEAD:
"YOU'RE" NOT "YOUR"
THE MAN SCREAMS. HE LOOKS DOWN TO SEE THE BLOODY KNIFE IN HIS HAND. HE LEAPS FROM THE BED AND SCRABBLES ACROSS THE FLOOR, COMING FACE TO FACE WITH…
A HUGE PYRAMID MADE OF BEER CANS. HE TAKES THE TOPMOST ONE. POPS IT AND SWIGS.
CUT TO:
EXT.YARD – DAY
THE MAN STANDS BEFORE A FIRING SQUAD. OF CLOWNS. HE LAUGHS.
HEAD CLOWN
Any last requests?
MAN
Hair of the dog?
THE CLOWNS OPEN FIRE.
