EXT. PARK. DAY.
A COUPLE (EARLY 20'S) ARE WALKING. A GROUP OF TEENAGE BOYS ARE WRESTLING ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE PARK.
WOMAN:
(SIGHS) Thank god I'll never have to date another teenager boy again. (LOOKS AROUND SEARCHING FOR BF) Frank?
FRANK IS CHARGING TOWARDS THE TEENAGE BOYS, MAKING ANIMALISTIC NOISES.
ANOTHER COUPLE ARE WALKING IN THE DISTANCE. THE MAN SUDDENLY STOPS, AND STARTS CHARGING TOWARDS THE GROUP AS WELL.
What if he sprinted over and kicked some poor goth to death? Too much?
A good concept Rebecca. I think it needs a little something though. IMO!
Nice idea. What if they are playing Conkers or British bull dog or some
other playground game.
Or using dirty needles to stab each other with?
I don't remember any teenage boys playing British bulldog, but anyone mention WF wrestling and one of them would have you in a head lock in seconds... maybe that was just the boys i knew!
they also use to set baskets on fire, and then kick drop them... boys eh.
but i could then have a scene later (as its for my sitcom), where the adult blokes are showing the boys the more old fashioned games... I was going to elaborate on this later in the script anyway, maybe thats one way?
another possibility I was thinking of was seeing the adult men, later on, still going at it full speed, in some warrior like impersonation, while the teenage boys just stood around watching, looking confused. maybe?
They are both good ideas Rebecca. Write it now!
April 13, 2008, 12:15 PM BST
What if he sprinted over and kicked some poor goth to death? Too much?
Haha maybe a touch, but yes, something like that. i see him running and throwing himself on top of the group. maybe death is a bit much though. but i like the violence.
Thank you charley! haha yeah, its interesting how in the few days since i've joined this site, i've done considerable less actual writing, yet somehow feel like more of a writer!
everytime i sit down to write i think "oh, i'll just quickly check the site, keep up to date, thats what writers do".
ah hem.
Wrestling?!!
*puts Rebecca in a headlock*
Submit!!
I liked it, but I think you could build on the boyfriend a bit more, maybe a weapon?
haha oh i like the weapon idea... maybe he could pull out something from his back pocket as he charges towards them... implying he's always got it, prepared, as though this has happened before.
Ps leevil, you should learn this early on, I never, never, submit.
Quote: Rebecca Davies @ April 13 2008, 5:17 PM BSTApril 13, 2008, 12:15 PM BST
Thank you charley! haha yeah, its interesting how in the few days since i've joined this site, i've done considerable less actual writing, yet somehow feel like more of a writer!everytime i sit down to write i think "oh, i'll just quickly check the site, keep up to date, thats what writers do".
ah hem.
Ditto!
your original idea demonstrates the joke perfectly. Pleeeeeease don't over write or elaborate it. It needs no further explanation in my opinion. If he accidentally hurt one of the boys that would be ok,(and potentially funny) but if he did it deliberately, would that make him a different character than you originally envisaged?
Quote: DIKTURNIP @ April 13 2008, 10:01 PM BSTyour original idea demonstrates the joke perfectly. Pleeeeeease don't over write or elaborate it. It needs no further explanation in my opinion. If he accidentally hurt one of the boys that would be ok,(and potentially funny) but if he did it deliberately, would that make him a different character than you originally envisaged?
I wouldn't want the bloke to hurt him on purpose no. I wanted it to demonstrate the silliness of ... well, a certain sort of man. Thank you for the support! I liked some of the ideas above and found them helpful, but with this particular piece, i don't think i'm going to change it really. apart from maybe the weapon suggestion... though id have that be more jokey, eg maybe a star wars esk light saver thing. violence, as you said, would change the character too much, and as this is a scene from a sitcom, the characters are everything.
Good. To thine own self be true.