British Comedy Guide

Couples Warned: Beware the Four-Year Itch.

A genuine attempt to be more 'Journalistic' in my style.

http://petermusgrove.com/2008/04/12/couples-warned-beware-five-year-itch/

Praise where it's due that was ace. Not perfect, but really good, and some interesting ideas I may thing of following.

The style was neat, and effective, and hanging on that one joke made it much punchier.

I suppose the question for me, was did you enjoy writing it?

Just reread it, and I really like, the pacing is especially sweet, it's a full 2 paragraphs before you drop the first punch the final one in the last paragraph, is an excellent surprise.

Just puzzled why make them Jews?

To be honest Sootyj yes.

As long as it's got a few random words for Sex acts I'm happy.

I did agonise a bit over the "Playing Snooker with Ray Charles" line.

That started off as Mr Blooby , then went to Tina Turner, finally ending up with Good Ol' Ray.

Thanks Sootyj

p.s Jews...Why not. Have always had an affinity since my days at school in Kenton, Middlesex [ Anyone who knew Kenton, NW London in the early 80's, will know what I mean ]

And Jewish Law is the only religion that allows a women to divorce her husband for not satisfying her sexually. Fact.

6 x months on Kibbutz Hulata was an education I am glad not to have missed..

:D :D

nice punchline

Good grief KP! You've taken some advice on board! This is so many cuts above the stuff I've seen previously! The fact that you stuck to the genre helped me LOL nicely when you sneaked in a bit of anal sex.

Not perfect by any means - I'd prefer it of you steered clear of the "speaking to us from..." lines, which I'm not convinced by at all - but well done overall.

Quote: Norman Wisdom @ April 12 2008, 4:34 PM BST

To be honest Sootyj yes.

As long as it's got a few random words for Sex acts I'm happy.

I did agonise a bit over the "Playing Snooker with Ray Charles" line.

That started off as Mr Blooby , then went to Tina Turner, finally ending up with Good Ol' Ray.

Thanks Sootyj

p.s Jews...Why not. Have always had an affinity since my days at school in Kenton, Middlesex [ Anyone who knew Kenton, NW London in the early 80's, will know what I mean ]

And Jewish Law is the only religion that allows a women to divorce her husband for not satisfying her sexually. Fact.

6 x months on Kibbutz Hulata was an education I am glad not to have missed..

I to did 6 months on Naot Moredcai quite a laugh it was too. Did you ever see Not Quite Jerusalem?

:D :D

The Paul Kember play, Yes a classic.

Naot Moredcai ???. Never heard of that one, Where is it near ?

As is traditional, it was right on the Lebanese border! Near Kiryat Shmona, I was thinking of the 1985 film, Not Quite Jerusalem, one of the best films about KJbbutz ever.

I think that was an awful lot better than previous spoofs. Sure there were some irregularities (e.g. sought/sort) but that's being picky on trivia - most people do stuff like that (ask Sooty, ho ho); the style was pretty good, and that's the crux - certainly a lot better in a very short space of time. Funny and clever IMO, and nice finish too.

It's better written I'll give you that. However plagiarising a really old joke at the end and passing it off as your own doesn't really work. How about doing a piece on a stalker who keeps knocking on a persons door and making them shout "knock knock"?

http://www.football4less.com/forums/showthread.php?p=153540

Yea I enjoyed the punchline.

You enjoyed it even though it was stolen?

Quote: wayne lewis @ April 13 2008, 10:05 AM BST

You enjoyed it even though it was stolen?

Thanks for that Wayne. Actually heard the joke at work a few weeks ago and thought I'd put it into one of my stories.

Perhaps rather than looking for faults in other peoples work you should concentrate a little bit on submitting a few articles yourself.

And by the way most comedy writing is derivative. There are very few total originals out there..Milligan, Cook, Vic and Bob [in the early 90's]. You never know Wayne, you might be one of them.

Take Care KP.

Quote: Norman Wisdom @ April 13 2008, 12:45 PM BST

Thanks for that Wayne. Actually heard the joke at work a few weeks ago and thought I'd put it into one of my stories.

Perhaps rather than looking for faults in other peoples work you should concentrate a little bit on submitting a few articles yourself.

And by the way most comedy writing is derivative. There are very few total originals out there..Milligan, Cook, Vic and Bob [in the early 90's]. You never know Wayne, you might be one of them.

Take Care KP.

Looking for faults huh? I thought that was the whole point of critiquing something. You examine it, then pass judgment. Good or bad. Plus is it a pre-requisite to have posted something in the critique section before you get to comment on other peoples work?

As for submitting something myself, how about you try using the search facility and look me up. You then can critique my stuff, and in the process bump it up! Yay.

I agree with you when you say most comedy is derivative. Though being honest and saying "well I heard this joke a few weeks ago and thought I would use it in one of my stories" at the start of your story would clarify that you didn't just use it and hoped no one would notice and just think you're a very clever chap.

And you never know Pete I might be the next Milligan, Cook or Vic and Bob. Who knows.

Take Care

WL

Quote: wayne lewis @ April 13 2008, 10:05 AM BST

You enjoyed it even though it was stolen?

Yea! I do not agree with thieving jokes however everytime someone passes a joke in a pub it is very rarely theirs is it?

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