My Beast of Burden!

7.36am
The phone rings.
Charley sleepily ignores it. After the 5th attempt for the person to get through, charley relents & picks it up.

Charley (Sleepily)
Mother?

Mother
Your up then?

Charley
Now!

Mother
I need some Hunters for your father.

Charley
You mean Hitmen.

Mother
No you silly cow. Hunters Welly Boots. It’s a present. Where did you get yours from?

Charley
Ebay

Mother
We don’t have an Ebay near us!

Charley
It’s a website

Mother
Ok well what do I do?

Charley
Are you at the computer now. What site you on?

Mother
Yes & a chair.

Charley
No Mother (Deep tired sigh) What website are you on.

Mother
It says Yayhoooo

Charley
Ok go to the toolbar at the top & type in www. Ebay. Co . uk

Silence just the sound of slow tapping.
20 minutes later

Mother
Okay. Now what?

Charley
Press Enter. Ebay should come up

Mother
(Excited) Yes its on my screen now.

Charley
Ok in the search bar, type in Hunters Boots.

Mother
(Thrilled voice) Ooooooh they are gorgeous. There is some white wellys here with pink flowers on.

Charley
(Annoyed)Do they do a size 10.

Mother
No they go up to an 8

Charley
Well do you think Dad will appreciate some way too small pink flowery Wellington boots.

Mother
No but I will. Do I press buy. They are only 3.99

66 minutes later after explaing how to open an account.

Mother
Ok now lets look for your Dad. I have “like Hunters”, boots here.

Charley
If he wants proper Hunters he wont want like will he.

Mother
(Shocked) They are £40. My wellys are 3.99 & your greedy bastard Dad’s are £40. I am not paying that.

Charley
That’s good for Hunters boots.

Mother
No. I am not paying that. He can have some green 3.99 ones. I will write hunters in Marker pen on them.

Charley
Ok right well can I go back to sleep now.

Mother
You haven’t asked how your little sister is.

Charley
(Sighs) Ok how is she.

Mother
Good. She has gone into town, clothes shopping, with some mates from school. I gave her a tenner to buy something with

Charley
WoW! Is that including her bus fair?

Mother
She is staying in tonight. She has some things to do on the computer. She is also on a diet I think.

Charley
(Bored) Really.

Mother
Yes she told me something about getting rid of all the cookies. I ate them though. I am not throwing them away. They are 46p a packet.

Hey Charley!

I thought this was terrific!

Best thing I've read on here for a long while.

It actually made me laugh.

Yes, people may say it's corny and too 'jokey' but that's fine by me.

Nice one.

Jokes all the way through, good dialogue, likeable characters, recognisable set-up. Excellent.

I do like your characterisations Charley. I always get the feeling they are not so far removed from reality?

I quite agree withthe ridiculous overpricing just because of a name.

I've never heard of Hunters Boots.

Where do you get the marker pens?

As usual a funny insite into Charley's diary.

"We don't have an Ebay near us" Best line I've read on this site so far. Definitely one of those lines that makes me wish "I'd written that" I've not been here long though. You've written something that has no (apparent)political agenda and isn't offensive just to try and get a cheap laugh. Well done.

Quote: DIKTURNIP @ April 14 2008, 8:50 PM BST

"We don't have an Ebay near us" Best line I've read on this site so far. Definitely one of those lines that makes me wish "I'd written that" I've not been here long though. You've written something that has no (apparent)political agenda and isn't offensive just to try and get a cheap laugh. Well done.

View original

Go back in the archives. There's loads more like this.

Thanks all.
You have put me in a good mood. Any takers on ruining it.

Agreed, the eBay line is a winner. The supers ('twenty minutes later' etc) are sure to get some laughs.

On the downside, the cookies line was a bit old hat and you've got a whole bunch of typos to iron out.

I got a geeky computer referance with the cookies line actually