It's about your dad...

EXT. PHONE BOX – DAY

A MAN DROPS A COIN INTO THE SLOT AND JABS AT THE BUTTONS.

MAN:
Hello, is that the hospital? It's Mr Denham. You called me a minute ago and my mobile ran out.

CUT TO:

INT. HOSPITAL - CONTINUOUS

THE OTHER END OF THE LINE.

DOCTOR:
Ah yes, Mister Denham. I have some news.

MAN:
Oh, God, what is it?

DOCTOR:
Well, you see…

THE LINE GOES DEAD.

EXT. PHONE BOX – DAY

MAN:
F**k!

THE MAN DROPS A COUPLE MORE COINS IN THE PHONE AND REDIALS.

MAN:
Hello, doctor?

DOCTOR:
Everything alright, Mister Denham?

MAN:
My money ran out! So what is it? What's wrong?

DOCTOR:
Well, like I say, Mister Denham, I have some news.

MAN:
Just tell me!

DOCTOR:
It's your dad, Mister Denham. He's….

THE PHONE GOES DEAD.

MAN:
Motherf**k!

HE SLAMS THE RECEIVER AGAINST THE PHONE A COUPLE OF TIMES. TAKING A DEEP BREATH, HE INSERTS ALL THE COINS HE HAS.

MAN:
Hello!

DOCTOR:
Mister Denham?

MAN:
My dad! What's wrong with my dad?

DOCTOR:
Nothing's wrong.

MAN:
Then what is it?

DOCTOR:
He just needs someone to drive him home from the hospital.

MAN:
So he's fine?

DOCTOR:
Just visiting.

MAN:
Thank God! Who was he in to see?

MAN:
Your dead mum.

He's not going to have enough change for the car parking machine at the hospital now.

Good sketch though, I didn't spot the ending. It could have gone on longer as well, which is probably the mark of a good piece of writing.

It's a very long set-up for an average joke. The end line has a bit of a playground feel to it.

Nice idea. It feels as though it needs a bit more tension at the beginning, perhaps trying to fin a public phone that either works or is available...

and do people visit dead relatives? surely he'd be there... "To identify the body of your dead mum." and leave it at that.

perhaps...

kjs

I think it's brill but would still like the phone to go off again before she says his mum is dead LOL

INT. PHONE BOX – DAY

A MAN HURRIES INTO A PHONE BOX. IT'S OUT OF ORDER.

MAN:
Shit!

HE TRIES ANOTHER. SUCCESS! HE DROPS A COIN INTO THE SLOT AND FRANTICALLY JABS THE BUTTONS.

MAN:
Hello, is that the hospital? It's Mr Denham. Sorry, my mobile ran out!

CUT TO:

INT. HOSPITAL - CONTINUOUS

THE OTHER END OF THE LINE.

DOCTOR:
(SOMBRE)
Ah yes, Mister Denham. I have some news.

MAN:
Oh, God, what is it?

DOCTOR:
Well, you see…

-- THE LINE GOES DEAD.

EXT. PHONE BOX – DAY

MAN:
F**k!

HE DROPS A COUPLE MORE COINS AND REDIALS.

MAN:
Hello, doctor?

DOCTOR:
Mister Denham?

MAN:
My money ran out! So what is it? What's wrong?

DOCTOR:
Well, like I say, Mister Denham, I have some news.

MAN:
Just tell me!

DOCTOR:
It's your father, Mister Denham. He's….

-- THE PHONE GOES DEAD.

MAN:
Motherf**k!

HE SLAMS THE RECEIVER AGAINST THE PHONE A COUPLE OF TIMES. HE TAKES A DEEP BREATH AND INSERTS ALL THE COINS HE HAS.

MAN:
Hello!

DOCTOR:
Mister Denham?

MAN:
My dad! What's wrong with my dad?

DOCTOR:
Oh, nothing's wrong.

MAN:
Then what is it?

DOCTOR:
Your father just needs someone to drive him home from the hospital.

MAN:
So he's fine?

DOCTOR:
Of course. He was only visiting.

MAN:
Thank God!

DOCTOR:
Visiting your dead mum!

HE BLOWS A RASPBERRY AND SLAMS DOWN THE PHONE.

It doesn't feel right.

The doctor would say "Father" and "Mother"; the bloke would say "Dad" and "Mum"

Quote: billwill @ April 9 2008, 4:04 PM BST

It doesn't feel right.

The doctor would say "Father" and "Mother"; the bloke would say "Dad" and "Mum"

View original

Good point and easy to fix.

Agree with Bushbaby.
I wanted more.

Quote: Charley @ April 9 2008, 7:25 PM BST

Agree with Bushbaby.
I wanted more.

View original

You always want more!