Yeah, but would he bother running all the way to the top of a multi-story? Thanks for the suggestion though.
I think it's impossible to rescue. The concept/structure is great, but it's not going to work in a realistic way. If I can think of a believeable way then I'll do it. But for now I must move forwards!
Does it have to be a car park?
How about bloke on window ledge, man leans out have you got change for the snack/drinks machine...
kjs
The window ledge one could work. The man falls and then man 2 gets his money swallowed by the machine.
It doesn't have the same bite as man 2's car getting fined, though. I mean, going without a snack or drink isn't that much of a pain. Unless he's diabetic.
And I wrote a vending machine sketch a while back that I was very happy with. Not much point having two.
Thanks again though.
Quote: Winterlight @ April 9 2008, 1:53 PM BSTExt. Top level of Multi Story car park
A man is stood on the edge of the car park. Man 2 is edging towards him.
Man: Don't come any closer!
Man 2: I just want to chat.
Man: Don't try and talk me down!
Man 2: I'm not going to.
Man 2 is now level with the man.
Man 2: I just need some change for the meter.
Man: What?!
Man 2: I've only got a fiver you see.
Man: For Christ's sake! I'm about to jump off the roof!
Man 2: I know, I know, but have you got five ones?
Man: (GRUMBLES) I'll have a look.
The man fishes about in his pockets and produces five one pound coins from a selection of change. He hands them to Man 2 and as Man 2 takes them the man loses his footing and falls off the edge. Man 2 looks over the edge then turns round in a panic. The camera shot shows a parking attendant (they have them in North London-any which way to get you!) by a (his) car tapping into his little machine. The camera shot goes back to man 2.
Man 2: SHIT!
Man 2 throws the fiver over the edge and runs towards the car.
ENDS
ENDS
Excellent premise and I hope you don't think me too cheeky with this alternative ending.
I like the bit about man 2 chucking the fiver over the edge.
There's still the issue about the parking attendent though. There's a Sainsbury's car park near me which is patrolled by parking attendents, but I think they're few and far.
If I ever get the chance to pitch things to a producer then I'll certainly bring this one up.
Man 2: I've only got a fiver you see.
Man: For Christ's sake! I'm about to jump off the roof!
Man 2: Well, you won't be needing it then.
I think the man chucking the fiver over the edge to follow the bloke to his grisly death is as good a punchline as you'll get from this. The whole car getting towed/parking attendant thing isn't as funny. Let the sketch go out on a high.
Quote: Pripyat @ April 17 2008, 12:32 PM BSTI think the man chucking the fiver over the edge to follow the bloke to his grisly death is as good a punchline as you'll get from this. The whole car getting towed/parking attendant thing isn't as funny. Let the sketch go out on a high.
Absolutely.
How about ending with the guy falling over the edge before he passes the cash over and the man left behind says something like...
MAN: Shit. (PAUSE) Who am I gonna get change off now?
With the joke obviously being that we initially think he's upset about the man's death. Maybe even have him looking around and shouting off-screen the next moment(oi, mate! You got any change) before walking off, blase.
The parking attendant bit doesn't work, but it's at best irrelevant to the point of the sketch so it's easily droppable. Nice sketch though, if it need of a little tightening.
Quote: Winterlight @ April 9 2008, 2:02 PM BSTThat's a good point. They don't usually patrol them do they. I've been in multistorey ones which are council run, but they're usually NCP aren't they.
They patrol them in Stockport all day long and I'm sure they've got bloody binoculars too
Quote: Antrax @ April 17 2008, 12:45 PM BSTAbsolutely.
How about ending with the guy falling over the edge before he passes the cash over and the man left behind says something like...
MAN: Shit. (PAUSE) Who am I gonna get change off now?
I think that's probably the best ending. Thanks.