Camping

EXT. COUNTRYSIDE. DAY.

( A WOMAN, MID 40S STANDING IN FRONT OF TREES AND BUSHES. SHE IS WEARING A WOOLY HAT AND A WATERPROOF COAT, TREKKING TROUSERS AND CARRYING A RUCKSACK. SHE LOOKS ALTOGETHER THE TYPICAL OUTDOORSY TYPE )

WOMAN ( TO CAMERA )
You know, the thing I love most about backpacking. Is that it really gives you a chance to get back to basics. To free yourself from society’s rules and regulations, and to finally live your life the way nature intended, in all its wondrous glory.

( SHE LOOKS TO HER LEFT )
Isn’t that right Norman?

( THE CAMERA MOVES AWAY TO REVEAL THE WOMAN STANDING BESIDE HER HUSBAND. HER HUSBAND IS CROUCHING DOWN IN FRONT OF SOME BUSHES WITH HIS TROUSERS AROUND HIS ANKLES )

NORMAN.
Yes dear.

WOMAN.
Of course, as its the country. Its also very important to clean up after yourselves.

( THE WOMAN REACHES INTO HER POCKET AND PULLS OUT A PLASTIC BAG. THE TYPE DOG OWNERS USE TO PICK UP DOG SHIT IN PARKS. SHE THROWS THE BAG TO HER HUSBAND )

WOMAN ( ABRUPTLY )
Here, you can pick up your own this time.
Oh and don’t forget to wipe your arse properly. Its all very well getting back to basics, but mother nature never had to try and remove one of your difficult skid marks with nothing but a stick and a dot leaf.

WOMAN ( SMILING TO CAMERA )
Isn’t nature wonderful?

Good sketch, but weak ending, albeit funny, and nice pace/idea/characterisation

Alternates
They're in a park/garden center etc
We see they've actually killed and eaten some campers.
An andrex puppy runs by, the man shoots it and unwraps the toilet paper from around it.
A bear comes out of the wood and the woman firmly gives it a plastic bag

Thanks sootyj, nice ideas.

Actually now i'm awake, i could have thrown this into the comp thread.

I think it's written quite nicely, but after the line (WOMAN.
Of course, as its the country. Its also very important to clean up after yourselves) it seems to lose its way.

The woman's tone changes a bit too dramatically and it descends into schoolboy humour. It's a bit like the old poem What do you do if you want to have a poo in an English country garden...

I'd be inclined to stick with the well written first half, but work on a new ending; maybe one of sooty's.