This is silly. Sorry!
INT
A GROUP OF PEOPLE SITTING ON CHAIRS IN A CIRCLE.
Man 1
Right I am cooler than all you lot. When I take my life It is gonna be with a high class hooker & high class drugs. Not street urchin drugs. I am talking proper just off a Cuban dancer, straight from the field, drugs.
Woman 1
Well I am going under a tube on the circle line. That way I will be dragged all over London. They will be picking bits of me off the tracks for weeks.Ha!
Man 2
F**k tubes, drugs & hookers. I am going to hang myself in my wife’s bridal gown, while tossing off to Bob Marley. That will learn the Bitch.
Woman 2
I want a simple death. A ton of anti depressants, washed down with 16 Aftershocks, 3 bottles of pinot, a barrel of scotch & a J20. Orange & Mango flavour.
Man 3
You lot are all pussies. I am going to saw all my body parts off until I am just a one armed torso. Then using my remaining limb I will stab my very own eyes out till I reach my brain.
Woman 3
I am going to throw myself off a bridge wearing nothing but 3 bright red balloons which I have tenderly placed my suicide notes in. A balloon for each of my four children. F**k the eldest, he can swing for a balloon. I f**king hate him.
Counsellor.
I am going to get a violin & wrap my left testicle around it. Then I am going to use my erect cock to play condescending music whilst hurtling my body into the path of a disabled one legged cyclist in a minute.
Man 1
Don’t do it man. That’s no way to go.
Counsellor
None of theses suicides are any way to go. I am just not getting through to any of you am I? I suggest we all go back to the drawing board.
A BIG FLIP CHART FILLED WITH DRAWINGS OF DEAD BODYS IS SHOWN.
THE COUNCELLOR TEARS OFF THE PAGE, TAKES OUT HIS PENS & STARTS ALL OVER AGAIN.
Counsellor
Right I suggest (Points at man 1) you get a large carving knife (Draws man 1) & shove it straight through your larynx. (Draws a large knife going in Man 1’s throat, adds red for effect).
.
Yes good idea there.
