Grand National investment returns

We spread our bets with money on SEVEN horses!

The kids each had £1 each-way with only Mr Appointment ever likely to make anything.

I also put a £4 each-way bet on 'Simon', the name of my wife's bastard ex-boyfriend who apparently had 'good stamina' and should 'stay up'. I didn't want to know but it appears he had other things in common with horse too.

However, I won the race for my wife...bugger!

There was £1 each-way on 'Backbeat' which I wasn't going to bet on but I kept being drawn to it. I knew if I didn't I would regret it so I did....and it fell...DOH!

I also did win bets on the favourite 'Cloudy Lane' at £5 and £4 on 'Comply or Die' when it was still 10-1.

As a result my £25 'investment' won me back £44 so at least I made a profit.

In the pub sweepstake I drew a Horse called L'Ami which I'm pretty sure is French for LAME! It fell.

I couldn't watch it so I decided not to bet, but if I could now, I would pick the winning horse.

£16 spent on bets. £0 return.

I didn't win either. I got my 18-month-old nephew to pick two horses for me, from the list in a paper. Stupid idea, as one of them was 100/1. Then again, I remember a 100/1 shot coming second, back in '97, when the Saturday race was called off at the last minute, due to a bomb scare, and took place two days later, on the Monday. I remember, because my sister wanted to do an each way bet on it, and I convinced her not to do it, telling her it didn't have a chance.