Hearing Sketch

Int. DIY store

A man and woman are looking at some paints. The man picks up a tin.

Man: What d'you think to this colour?

Woman: I don't like it.

Man: You're right, it does go with my eyes.

Woman: I said I don't like it.

Man: Dinner? How about steak?

Woman: I'm a vegetarian!

Man: You're paying for the paint AND the steak?

Woman: NO!

Man: And you're going to paint the spare room?

Woman: Bollocks!

Man: I'd love a massage!

Woman: FUCK OFF!

Man: That Thai girl down the road's quite cheap

Woman: Do you listen to anything I say?

Man: Yeah, she does extras.

Woman: I've been having an affair.

Man: And you're sure you don't mind?

Woman: With another woman

Man: You're right. What's an anniversary!

Woman: You can join in if you like.

The man looks at the woman.

Man: Sounds like a good idea.

Woman: Ha! I thought you’d hear that one!

Man: It’s with your mother? WOWEE!

ENDS

Sorry, but you've lost me completely with this one, Winterlight.

It'd be funnier (to me) if his answers were valid to the things she was saying (in a Two Ronnies kind of way), but still obviously not the answer to what she's asking. But that'll probably take a lot of work but it would come across cleverer and thus more rewarding for the reader.

Dan

I think you're right.

I wanted it to come across that the man was just hearing what he wanted, but maybe it's not so clear...

southpark did some brilliant jokes with the school bus driver, where they'd say something rude and she'd say what did you say? and he'd say something completely innocent which sounded almost exactly like it.

not easy but you could do the reverse.

Stan:
Aah, we're always running late you ugly skank.
Ms. Crabtree:
WHAT DID YOU SAY?!
Stan:
I said, "I can't wait to own a fishing tank."

Stan:
That fat bitch won’t let us.

Mrs. Crabtree:
WHAT DID YOU SAY?!

Stan:
I said, “Rabbits eat lettuce.”

Mrs. Crabtree:
Oh… Well, they certainly do.

It was worth a punt but I don't think you pulled this off. It doesn't quite spark and it never really goes anywhere.