BORIS JOHNSON IS ON THE STAGE
BORIS
April Fools Londoners, I pretended to run for Mayor of London.
SOME ONE ON AND WHISPERS IN HIS EAR.
BORIS
Bloody hell I'm winning, I'm a straw headed, racist idiot. Why would any one vote for me?
KEN LIVINGSTONE WALKS ON
KEN
I'm Ken Livingstone, London's bad tempered, hard drinking mayor, with a multi million pound publicity budget all about me. I gave Lee Jasper millions of pounds, to drop communal barriers. He spent it dropping knickers.
BRIAN PADDOCK WALKS ON STAGE
BRIAN
I'm Brian I'm gay, and I used to be a police officer. I'd like to be mayor too, I'm a really nice guy.
THE OTHER TWO STARE AT HIM
Sorry, I'll get my coat.
HE WALKS OFF STAGE
BORIS
Well that explains it. Vote Boris reliably stupid.