NHS song parody

To the tune of Nizlopi's JCB song and now winging its way to NewsRevue.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k3WhQB7Hq0Q

The NHS Song

Well, I'm sick of this NHS
My dad's feeling ill with a pain in his chest
And his angina hits my mum like berserk
While we're singing
Skip the fags and burgers if you want your heart to work!'

My dad's totally had a bloody hard day
But I'm wondering if he's shot and about to pass away
While the dingbat who sits on reception
My dad will die right here if she doesn't get her skates on

Admin's holding up his bypass, oh
Me and my dad on the laughing gas
Oh woah
Sittin' on the firstaid box, oh
And I so wish we went private, boss
So wish we went private

Oh yes...

And we move to let the administrator pass
And can't resist the urge to kick him, right up the arse
And we're like wishing an illness on the big fat bugger
Like heamaroids, or a slipped disc, or maybe something bigger

While I wanna perform some sordid nurse sex!
What about the waiting list targets that still aint met
So I'll tell all my mates, to kick them in the knackers
But only the NHS board and the Government f**kers

Admin's holding up his bypass, oh
Me and my dad on the laughing gas
Oh woah
Sittin' on the firstaid box, oh
And I so wish we went private, boss
So wish we went private

Admin's holding up his bypass, oh
Me and my dad on the laughing gas
Oh woah
Sittin' on the firstaid box, oh
And I so wish we went private, boss
So wish we went private

As my dad stares at the nurses breasts
Drives me nuts, this damn NHS
As my dad stares at the nurses breasts
Drives me nuts, this bloody NHS
My dad is ready to take his final breath
Drives me nuts, this f**king NHS
My dad is ready to take his final breath
Drives me nuts

Admin's holding up his bypass, woah
Me and my dad on the laughing gas, oh woah

Sittin' on the firstaid box, oh
And I so wish we went private, boss
So wish we went private

Aw, said
Now my dad is dead and it aint a jest
Drives me nuts, this f**king NHS
Will no longer lust over nurses breasts
Drives me nuts

Aw, my dad is dead and it aint a jest
Drives me nuts, this f**king NHS
Will no longer lust over nurses breasts
Drives me nuts

I really like this, but realising how useless that is as crit I'll give it a thorough read a bit later. But, the first verse seemed spot on.

My only question - and it's a question, not a crit - is whether it matters that it's a joke song to start with? I'm not sure it does - after all there were parodies of Agadoo and I don't think that won an Ivor Novello award.

Witty and well matched top stuff, lets hope people remember that awful song.

Quote: sootyj @ March 31, 2008, 1:42 PM

Witty and well matched top stuff, lets hope people remember that awful song.

View original

You would hope so - it did get to #1 at Christmas time just 2 years ago.

Incidentally, what's the rate for song parodies? I got £11.26 for my PM charades sketch which was listed as 1 minute though I suspect it may have taken longer.

It would be nice to get a song in just prove that I could write them.

I know it's only a comedy skit, but my wife works her arse off as a hospital director. There ARE too many administrators in the NHS but they sure as hell ain't in the hospitals.

Trouble is the government have added so much red tape and 'layers' between them and the coal face that no-one understands if it's the Primary Care Trust, the commissioning body, the Strategic Health Authority, MONITOR or NICE or whoever the hell else. So they have a go at the hospital. Who, quite rightly, are very often the cause of a huge cock up, which doesn't help their case.

There, off my soap box now. There just aren't that many opportunities to tell people how hard hospital administrators work, so I jumped in with both feet.

It's not their fault. The only beuracracy bigger than the NHS is the Indian Railway system. In one city, in one year they managed to kill more people than several Indo-Pakistan wars put together.

It's more complex, eveyr 4 years the gouvernemnt has to show it's doing stuff. So it's new buildings, not decent wages (which cost more because of the amount of agancy staff needed thanks to bollox all pay). Cute kiddies with cancer, not schizophrenia. Meaning it's always going to be a lumpen stop/start service, with little abbility to meaningfully reform.

I work for social services, and much as I hate to say it. Privatisation as hugfely improved the quality of care given.

I guess I'm more of a partial socialist these days. National Insurance with gouvernment over sight, and private provision as in moat of Europe seems the route to go down.

Quote: steve by any other name @ March 31, 2008, 6:29 PM

I know it's only a comedy skit, but my wife works her arse off as a hospital director. There ARE too many administrators in the NHS but they sure as hell ain't in the hospitals.

Trouble is the government have added so much red tape and 'layers' between them and the coal face that no-one understands if it's the Primary Care Trust, the commissioning body, the Strategic Health Authority, MONITOR or NICE or whoever the hell else. So they have a go at the hospital. Who, quite rightly, are very often the cause of a huge cock up, which doesn't help their case.

There, off my soap box now. There just aren't that many opportunities to tell people how hard hospital administrators work, so I jumped in with both feet.

View original

I hope I didn't offend.

It was the bureaucracy that I was having a going and was keen not to bring those in who are keeping the whole thing going in difficult circumstances.

I'd be extremely interested to find out just how much "investment" the past 11 years of governments have actually made. They're always going on about having pumped billions more into the NHS than previous governments, but taking inflation, rising costs of medicines and advanced treatment and detection technologies, wages, and all of these bureaucratic levels into account, I wouldn't be at all surprised if the money reaching the 'front line' has actually dramatically decreased.

Anyway. Back on topic.