British Comedy Guide

One Nuked Mook

INT. DRIVEWAY - DAY

BOBBY HURRIES TO A BEATEN-UP TRANS-AM. HE POPS THE TRUNK AND TOSSES LUGGAGE INSIDE. SUSIE RACES TO CATCH HIM UP.

BOBBY:
(piss poor Italian/American accent)
Come on, we gotta go!

SUSIE:
(convincing Italian/American accent)
What for?

DAVID
40 Gs, Susie! I'm into Paulie for forty Gs!

SUSIE
So talk to him!

BOBBY
You think he's gonna listen? Come on!

HE FORCES HER INTO THE CAR AND CLIMBS INTO THE DRIVERS SEAT.

SUSIE:
What about my job? What about my family?

BOBBY:
Forget that! Forget everything!

SUSIE:
Forget you!

BOBBY:
Forget you!

BOBBY TURNS THE KEY IN THE IGNITION.

DIRECTOR: (O.O.V.)
(English accent)
Cut, cut! Perfect!

PULL BACK TO REVEAL WE'RE ON A MOVIE SHOOT. 'SUSIE' CLIMBS OUT OF THE CAR. A TEAMSTER PUTS A DUMMY IN A WIG IN HER PLACE. A MAKEUP GIRL RUSHES OVER AND TAKES SOME OF THE SHINE OFF OF 'BOBBY'S' NOSE.

BOBBY:
(in English now)
How was I?

DIRECTOR:
You were perfect!

BOBBY:
And the accent?

DIRECTOR:
Better than De Niro.

BOBBY:
Great.

DIRECTOR:
Okay, if you want to step out while we set up your dummy.

BOBBY:
I'm not getting out.

DIRECTOR:
You realise what scene this is?

BOBBY:
Yes.

DIRECTOR:
This is where we detonate the car.

BOBBY:
I know.

DIRECTOR:
Don't you think you should get out?

BOBBY:
Look at this thing…

HE INDICATES TO THE TEAMSTER ON STANBY WITH HIS DUMMY REPLACEMENT. THE DUMMY LOOKS RIDICULOUS.

BOBBY:
Who's this fooling?

DIRECTOR:
But…

BOBBY:
(annoyed)
Just roll the camera.

DIRECTOR:
(defeated)
Okay then.

THE DIRECTOR RETREATS TO A SAFE DISTANCE. BOBBY GIVES A THUMBS UP.

THE DIRECTOR NODS TO A MAN WITH A PLUNGER.

BOOM!

DIRECTOR:
What a pro...

Made me laugh...

Neat, I think it would work visually.

Thanks. I'd love to shoot this one but it's not exactly an off the cuff effort. The difficulty would be matching some stock footage of a car exploding to the scene. Maybe when I'm a bit further along I'll tap up a director to help me, but for now it's a shelfer.

Couldn't he just say "I've always insisted on doing my own stunts."

Quote: David Chapman @ March 28, 2008, 4:56 PM

Couldn't he just say "I've always insisted on doing my own stunts."

The idea isn't so much that he does his own stunts, it's that he's so 'method' he's prepared to perish for the sake of the scene.

Quote: David Bussell @ March 28, 2008, 4:58 PM

The idea isn't so much that he does his own stunts, it's that he's so 'method' he's prepared to perish for the sake of the scene.

OK!

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