Is this scene any good or should it go direct to the shredder without passing go?
CUT TO
SC.14 . THE STAFF ROOM . INT. DAY
THE ROOM IS EMPTY. THE DOOR OPENS AND JIMMY COMES IN WITH A CARRIER BAG. HE SHUTS HE DOOR AND PUSHES A CHAIR AGAINST IT. HE CLOSES THE CURTAINS, SITS ON THE SOFA AND REACHES INTO THE CARRIER BAG.
CUT TO
SC.15. A CORIDOR. INT. DAY
WE SEE A DOOR WITH ‘STAFF ROOM’ ON A PLAQUE. JED TRIES TO OPEN THE DOOR. HE PUSHES BUT IT WONT OPEN.
JED:
What the hell. (he knocks) is somebody in there?
HE PUSHES HARDER AND THE DOOR OPENS.
CUT TO
SC. 16. THE STAFF ROOM. INT. DAY
JIMMY IS SITTING ON THE SOFA. HE HAS HIS JEANS AND PANTS AROUND HIS ANKLES AS JED ENTERS. HE PULLS A FACE TO SUGEST HIS DISGUST.
JIMMY LOOKS SHEEPISH. HE COVERS HIMSELF WITH A PILLOW.
JED:
Were you wanking?
JED PICKS UP AN OPEN MAGAZINE THAT IS LAYING OPEN ON THE FLOOR
JED:
To a picture of Lilly Savage?
JIMMY:
(Defensively) I wasn’t wanking.
JED PICKS UP A SMALL BOX THAT IS ALSO ON THE BED
JED:
Are you dying your pubes?
HE READS LABEL ON BOX
JED:
Chestnut red?
JIMMY:
They were going grey.
JED:
And you thought they would look better chestnut red?
JIMMY:
No. It was half price in the chemist when I went to get some condoms. That pretty blonde was behind the counter. I could hardly ask her for condoms could I?
JED:
You had no qualms about asking her for hemorrhoid cream last week.
JIMMY:
I didn’t ask her for hemorrhoid cream. I bottled it.
JED:
So what did you use to treat the hemorrhoids?
JIMMY:
I had some of that pink ointment left over from when the dog had that wart on its arse. Smelled a bit funny, but how much harm can it do?
JED SCOWELS
JED:
That has to be the stupidest thing you’ve ever done…no I tell a lie, painting an elephant on you’re genitals and saying it was Nobby the elephant was the stupidest thing you’ve ever done…no, actually another lie. The stupidest thing you ever did was filming said elephant on your mobile and sending it to CBEBES.
JIMMY:
I thought Nobby the elephant showed great imagination.
JED:
No Jimmy. That woman on the sex channel who can get a full tub of Marge up her ****, that showed imagination, though not on CBEBES.
JIMMY:
See, I miss read that. I thought it was see boobies. I thought it was porn. I thought they had a show called ‘Big cock, little Cock’.
THEY SIP COFFEE
JIMMY:
I was thinking of organizing one of them wife-swapping parties, invite the woman from the chemist and her hubby, just to check out the competition. I drew up a list of other people to invite too.
JIMMY HANDS NOTE TO JED. HE READS.
JED:
Peter Andre and Katie Price, Brad and Angelina, David and Victoria, MR Dudley and Ting tong..