TORCH (an old school Olympian athlete in white shorts and a vest) proudly walks up to Airport Security with torch held proudly. To rapturous applause, reverent music.
SECURITY GUARD: Can you put your keys and mobile phone in there please.
TORCH: But I’m the Olympic torch you know “Light the passion, share the dream”.
SECURITY GUARD: And your medals please Mr Torch, in the tray. And oh yes and your trainers, sandal things.
Tuts slightly. Mutters under his breath. Takes them off.
SECURITY GUARD LOOKS IN BAG AND TUTS.
SECURITY GUARD: Oh dear oh dear oh dear. What have we here?
Takes out a huge mirrored lantern.
TORCH: (BACK IN PROUD MOOD) It’s a parabolic mirror. It’s what they’ve used since the dawn of the games to light me at the Temple of Zura in Athens.
SECURTY GUARD: Can you read this sir?
SECURITY GUARD HOLDS UP A BIG SIGN.
TORCH: (reading) No knives, matches, flame throwers, fireworks, flammable liquids or solids, drain cleaners and solvents, scuba tanks, gunpowder or parabolic mirrors. But this is ridiculous. I’m on a journey of passion – the UK is the only country in northern Europe that I’m visiting.
SECURITY GUARD: Just doing my job sir, extra security for the Olympic torch.
TORCH looks really fed up.
SECURITY GUARD: Alright, look it’s more than my job’s worth, but I can let you have this.
Hands over a gas cooker lighter in the shape of a match. TORCH lights it with a tiny sound and walks off defeated with a tiny flame.
SECURITY GUARD: Careful with that. And don’t burn any monks.