This IS a fatty burger

INT. FAST FOOD RESTAURANT - DAY

Large man and woman approach the till. Weasely-faced young man serves them.

SERVER
What do you want?

MAN (to wife)
That’s most refreshing, they normally start with a rather bland ‘how can I help you?’

WOMAN
Yes. To which you normally reply, ‘can you tell me the way to Covent Garden.’

MAN
We’d like two extra large fatburgers with extra fat on one and a side order of fat with the other. And some mayonnaise on both.

SERVER
Can’t do it. The menu doesn’t allow for us to put mayonnaise on it.

MAN
No mayonnaise, Ethel.

WOMAN
But you put it in everything else, even that strawberry flavoured chemical milkshake I had the other day.

SERVER
It’s more than my job’s worth. I need the pittance that they pay me so I can feed my illegitimate kids.

MAN
OK then.

SERVER
Is one of these orders for her (points at woman)?

MAN
Yes.

SERVER
That’s a bit risky. Her face is purpler than the tip of my old chap. If the doctor tried to measure her blood pressure the machine would probably blow. Feed her one of these burgers and she could snuff it half-way through. Oh, I get it, it’s an insurance job?

MAN
No!

SERVER
Oh. Well, this IS a fatty burger. A really fatty burger. They each come with a free packet of stalins.

MAN
Stalins?

SERVER
Little tablets that cut your levels of bad cholesterol.

MAN
I see. Look, if I want health advice, I’ll go to my doctor.

SERVER
Oh yeah, like that’ll get you far. Mine always tells me to sod off, even that time when I broke my leg. Anyway, do you want anything else?

MAN
Yes, two diet colas, please.

SERVER
I wouldn’t advise it, mate. The one we sell has got SupaDuperSweet in it, and scientific studies have shown that it gives rats brain cancer.

MAN
I’m not going to give it to rats, we’re drinking it ourselves.

SERVER
Coming right up.

Not bad bit of back and forth, and I like the way no matter how rude the guy is they're always oblivious. How ever some of the lines could be a bit tidier, and there's no real concluding punch line. I think statin would be funnier as a milkshake flavour. Also the broken leg line breaks the pace of the skit. Maybe a final line about, 2 small garden salads as well. With gravy, and is the lettuce fried ?(apparently Quinzos salads are twice as calorific as their vile mutant sandwiches)

I loved this line.

MAN
We’d like two extra large fatburgers with extra fat on one and a side order of fat with the other. And some mayonnaise on both.

Some good lines. Worth polishing up.

Have you got Guantanamo fat?

Guantanamo fat?

It's been illegally rendered.

I agree with the Chapmeister. That is a good line. Work with it me thinks

Thanks for your kind words. I thought of them ordering a fat salad, but salad sounded a bit too healthy! Essentially they want to eat fat.

I will have a look at tidying some of the dialogue. It's a bit untidy here & there because I took stuff out at the last moment, mainly not entirely relevant jokes. I wanted to stick with the food theme. The broken leg line could have come out, too.

It's good, but as I find to my fault editings often all the difference.

I think a twisty punchline, would wrap it up nicely. A strawberry cheese cake, have you got that with out fruit?

Yes, it's true that you need a better punchline in these things. I shall have to have a think.