And the survey says...

EDITED

Scene INT. Spaceship- Night

SPACE ODDITY BY DAVID BOWIE IS HEARD. AN ASTRONAUT IS SEEN FLOATING ABOUT SINGING ALONG.

ASTRONAUT 1: For the love of God will you turn that f**king song off?

ASTRONAUT 2: Leave him alone. He’s excited that’s all. Don’t you remember what you were like on your first time?

ASTRONAUT 1: Yes I can, and trust me I wasn’t this annoying. Twenty five times he’s played that song.

ASTRONAUT 3: Sorry Dad. I just can’t believe I’m in space! It’s brilliant.

ASTRONAUT 1: Yeah, whoopee. (TO HIMSELF) F**king kids.

SAT NAV: No GPS signal received, so it’s not.

ASTRONAUT 1: Who’s changed the sat nav to the voice of Yoda?

ASTRONAUT 2: That was me. I couldn’t understand a thing it was saying when you had it on Klingon.

ASTRONAUT 3: Are we nearly there yet? I got go pee.

ASTRONAUT 2: Just go in your suit.

ASTRONAUT 3: What? No way. I could drown in here if I’m not careful.

SAT NAV: At the next black hole you will do a U turn so you will.

ASTRONAUT 1: What?

SAT NAV: U turn now.

ASTRONAUT 1: It’s a f**king Galactic Highway! Where am I supposed to turn?

SAT NAV: Recalculating route be I.

ASTRONAUT 1: Oh shut the f**k up!

SAT NAV: The dark side I sense in you.

ASTRONAUT 1: I don’t believe this.

SAT NAV: That is why you fail.

ASTRONAUT 3: (ANXIOUS) It’s starting to sting.

ASTRONAUT 2: Won’t be long now. What was that flash?

ASTRONAUT 1: Speed camera.

ASTRONAUT 2: Oh great. So are you going to slow down or not?

ASTRONAUT 1: I’m afraid if I slow down we won’t get there on time.

SAT NAV: Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to the third turning on the left.

ASTRONAUT 1: Shit! It’s talking in riddles!

ASTRONAUT 2: Don’t you think you’re a bit close to that ship in front?

ASTRONAUT 3: (SINGS) Ground control to major Tom. Take your protein pills and put your helmet on…

ASTRONAUT 1: Right! That’s it! I’m turning around and going home. F**k the Ikea sale and if you think you’re going to MacDonalds after this mister you can think again.

END

It's not bad, and it could be very good, but lacks clarity. Are they astronauts, or are they scifi fans? It's not clear.

I liked this. It's quite long, but it didn't seem to ramble and would be performed quite quickly anyway - at least that's how I was reading it.

The ending made me think it was a 'space family' out on a trip, but the start made me think it was just a bunch of astronauts working - particularly the "f**king americans" bit.

Maybe if you played it as a mum, dad and son sketch from the start it could be sharper.

I thought it looked quite long, but when I timed it, it was fairly quick. They are astronauts. I take your point on clarity and whether they are working together or a family.

Cheers guys I shall have a "play" and see how it looks.

I'd go Winterlight's route and have them be a family going on holiday. That's the way I was reading it the moment Astronaut 3 called Astronaut 1 'dad' anyway. Your lines will work much better that way, ie:

MOTHER ASTRONAUT: Don’t you think you’re a bit close to that ship in front?

BOY ASTRONAUT: (SINGS) Ground control to major Tom. Take your protein pills and put your helmet on…

FATHER ASTRONAUT: Right! That’s it! I’m turning around and going home. F**k the Ikea sale and if you think you’re going to MacDonalds after this mister you can think again.

Be sure to curb the swearing though.

In a similar thing I wrote, I played up naff scifi. I did this by adding the word space, and future to everything.

e.g. space Ikea, and I'll put my space boot up your lunar arse etc.

Strong...? It might be an interesting idea but it sure needs a lot of work. And the "Yoda" satnav is more Irish than Intergalactic.
"At the next black hole you will do a U turn so you will"
"No GPS signal received, so it’s not."

"At the next black hole a U-turn you will make" and
"GPS signal there is none" are better.

Didn't make me laugh anyway. And for something so short it is riddled with flaws - e.g. "Who's changed the satnav to the voice of Yoda". Just include the direction that it's the voice of Yoda and avoid the clumsy expository dialogue. That said, I thought the idea itself was a bit plodding anyway.

It was a curious fusion of the familial and the bizarre, but the fusion seemed a little haphazard really. If you like the idea IMO you need to spend some more time on it.

I'm broadly with James on this. It seems to meander a bit - I lost the thrust of the sketch at least three times. I also couldn't work out what Ikea or MacDonald's were doing in space, and this unsettling sense of the scene not being fixed in one place contributed to me losing the thread.

As to whether or not I laughed ... I didn't, I'm afraid. The Yoda satnav is a great idea, however, and I think you'd have a stronger sketch if you explored that in more depth and made it the focus.