Starbucks

A MAN RUNS ON STAGE CROSSING HIS LEGS, THERE IS A STARBUCKS EMPLOYEE

MAN
Wow a public toilet, thank God.

STARBUCK
Welcome to Starbucks.

MAN
Starbucks?

STARBUCK
Yes with the financial crunch, we gave up trying to put shit coffee into you for exorbitant prices. Now we just try and get the shit out of you. I'll be your arse-assista.

MAN
Fine where's the crapper.

STARBUCK
Woe sir, don't you want to look at the menu first. Do you want an espresso, that's a quick dark poo with a fart. Or a grande latte, that's when you get a full 15 minutes whilst you read the sun, and have a quick whistle.

MAN
Sod this I'm going to have a McShit, and Lies.

STARBUCK
What's that?

MAN
I'm going to McDonalds to use their bog, and pretend I'm going to buy a burger.

STARBUCK
Damn you Ronald McDonald!

I think this could be improved if you changed 'Starbucks' to 'Starbutts', which would then make the company's change of emphasis (so to speak) more credible.

I'd also shorten and rewrite the ending, perhaps like this:

MAN
Sod this! I'm going to McDonald's.

STARBUCK
What for?

MAN
A McShit and lies.

The punchline is so well established in popular consciousness that no more is needed.

Hi Antony welcome to the site, we don't tend to offer improvements in such a way as a re-write, at the end of the day our writers want comments not re-writes.

And yeah could do with a re-write sooty in my opinion

Thanks, Paul. And please forgive my faux pas, sootyj.

Dead right, on the Star Butts. Maybe a brothel variant Star FUcks?

As for the finishing line, you're right. But as I'm sending it to TS/NR if they don't like it they'll remove it. Some times they like they're punchlines explained a bit.
Doesn't bother me a bit, but some do dislike it. And in some cases I can understand why.