PUNG

EXT. STREET. DAY
A man in a warehouseman’s coat (STAN) is standing behind a trellis table. There are various posters and phamplets. He is trying to attract people, a woman (SANDRA) stops.

SANDRA
Hello, what’s this for?

STAN
Hello there young lady, I’m trying to educate people to the plight of the poor comedy warehouse man.

SANDRA
(SHAKES HEAD)
I’m sorry I don’t know..

STAN
(INTERRUPTS)
Exactly love, they were once the staple of all flavors of TV, you couldn’t turn on the telly without them walking across a road with a pann of glass being narrowly avoided.

SANDRA
I remeber my parents saying something about this...

STAN
Ah bless you for saying so. Sadly in 1986, one of the noble breed was caught moonlighting as an actual warehouseman, it totally confused one of the TV execs for a whole lunchhour so they got banned them and what with the advent of the home movie shows, people were doing thier own pratfalls.

SANDRA
That’s terrible, I literally didn’t know. What happened to them?

STAN
Ironically they stored them in warehouses till their contracts ran out, they used to take turns looking after each other. Eventually the warehouses were made into trendy flats and many of them are now homeless.

SANDRA
So what can I do to help?

STAN
Well I’d just ask that next time you find yourself next to a large stack of empty boxes, or on an uncontralable cycle or even if your discussing something serious and you want some light relief for any passers by.give this number a call.

HE HANDS HER A CARD.

SANDRA
Actually I do have a garage with piled up boxes and I believe the top one is percasioulsy balanced and does contain a lid of paint with the lid not on properly.

STAN
(WIPING A TEAR)
Bless you love, I'm so happy to hear that.

SANDRA
No problem I’ll speak to you later.

She walks away only to come to an abrupt stop with a pung noise and fall out of screen.

We pan back to reveal she has walked into a pane of glass being carried between teo warehousemen.

STAN
Nice lads, nice.

ENDS

This is a fantastic idea for a sketch, and a very, very funny original one. It's just too long, too much explanation. If you rewrote it as something faster, and more visual, it would be brilliant.

Something I've had in my head for a while, NOT the perfect expression of the idea but put it down here so I can then look at it and tweak it for a possible Live thing we are doing.

Now a home for silent slap stick jokes?

The fat guy who mournfully wanders the street looking for banana skins, clowns begging for custard pies, and those 2 guys wandering every where with out a pane of glass 9as if they were carrying one).

It is a cracking basis for a gag but the way you've presented it is largely expositional. Sooty has some nice ideas for ways in which you could present the information rather than explain it.

One other thing - there are so many spelling mistakes it hurts the eye to read. Surely you could have run it through a spell check before you bunged it up on the board? I mean have some pride, man!

Quote: David Bussell @ March 23, 2008, 10:00 AM

It is a cracking basis for a gag but the way you've presented it is largely expositional. Sooty has some nice ideas for ways in which you could present the information rather than explain it.

One other thing - there are so many spelling mistakes it hurts the eye to read. Surely you could have run it through a spell check before you bunged it up on the board? I mean have some pride, man!

View original

Sootyj had some ideas for differnet sketches based on the a similar premise yes.

It is based on actual people you see in london campaigning for things in exactly in this way so hence why I did it this way. hehe.

If spelling mistakes hurt your eyes, then damn your on the wrong boards

but yeah it's 50-50 wether I remember to press the spell checker button in final draft. (It's not as obvious as word (such a rubbish excuse)).

Meh! Some work some don't, just move onto the next one

Quote: dannyjb1 @ March 23, 2008, 10:35 AM

If spelling mistakes hurt your eyes, then damn your on the wrong boards

View original

That's "you're" on the wrong boards.

Aaron is it you?

Quote: dannyjb1 @ March 23, 2008, 12:16 PM

Aaron is it you?

View original

Heavens, no. I am my own animal.