Patient
Morning doctor, this is an unusual new surgery.
Doctor
Yes, it’s one of the new Tesco’ local surgeries, they do so well at groceries, why not healthcare? So what seems to be the problem Mr Jones?
Patient
It’s a bit embarrassing, I’ve been having some pain, in my bottom.
Doctor
Nonsense nothing I haven’t seen before, trousers down, behind the screen
They go behind a screen
.Doctor
Before we go on, do you want an organic, or a finest exam?
PatientEh?
Doctor
Like with all Tesco’s services, you can choose
The type of service, with finest I’ll wear mink gloves, and kiss your shoulder, with organic I’ll just ask your ring piece how it’s feeling, of course these services do cost extra. Or if you want to go NHS, there is always value.
Patient
I think I’ll take value.
FX sound of violent insertion
Patient
Yowza, I see why people go BUPA.
Doctor
Now Mr Jones, I have some good news, and bad news for you, the bad news is it’s colon cancer.
Patient
Oh God, what’s the good news.
Doctor
It’s double club points on colon cancer all this week!
