Simon Cowell’s Charity

Simon Cowell’s Charity

AN AMERICAN CHAT-SHOW HOST IS TALKING TO A MOTHER

HOST
And after your little Jason’s legs were shattered Simon Cowell agreed to pay all the medical fees?

MOTHER
He’s been an angel. An absolute angel.

HOST
Shaggable too.

MOTHER
I’ve never even seen X-Factor!

HOST
So you didn’t even know about his bad-boy image? He really has gone on a spree of do-gooding. First the cancer kid, then paying for Sharon Osbourne’s new tits… he’s like a modern day Scrooge. And here he is, Mr Simon Cowell!

COWELL ENTERS

COWELL
Pleased to finally meet you.

MOTHER
But… you’re the bastard who ran my son over!

COWELL
I never knew giving could make me so happy. Do you want me to pay your mortgage too?

MOTHER
I don’t think I can accept money off you!

COWELL
Listen sweetheart, take the f**king money or I’ll break your legs as well.

ENDS

There's something in this skit, that just doesn't seem to work.

I think it's his offering to pay the mortgage?

Quote: sootyj @ March 19, 2008, 4:46 PM

There's something in this skit, that just doesn't seem to work.

I think it's his offering to pay the mortgage?

View original

It might be the unlikelihood of her not knowing who he is. I've already changed it, is this any better...? I'll take out the mortgage line while we're at it.

Simon Cowell’s Charity

A CHAT-SHOW HOST IS TALKING TO A MOTHER

HOST
So your son, Jason’s legs are shattered and you can’t afford to pay all the medical fees?

MOTHER
No. It’s a nightmare.

HOST
Well, we’ve got a little surprise for you… And here he is, Mr Simon Cowell!

COWELL ENTERS

COWELL
Pleased to finally meet you. I will pay all the fees for you.

MOTHER
But… you’re the bastard who ran my son over!

COWELL
I never knew giving could make me so happy.

MOTHER
I don’t think I can accept money off you!

COWELL
Listen sweetheart, take the f**king money or I’ll break your legs as well.

ENDS

Better, works quite well now. With Cowell sketch, I'd always try and work in one of those sneery little bits he does.