Tesburys'

INT. HOUSE - DAY

KNOCK AT DOOR. MEGAN ANSWERS IT. TWO MEN STAND ON THE STEP.
MAN #1 WITH A CLIPBOARD.

MAN #1
Mrs Megan Preston?

MEGAN
Yes.

MAN #1 PUSHES PAST AND ENTERS, MAN #2 FOLLOWS.

MEGAN
What is the meaning -

MAN #2
We'll ask the questions thank you.

MAN #2 SHOVES MEGAN ON TO A CHAIR.

MAN #1
On the 3rd of last month you
purchased groceries totalling two
hundred and twenty seven pounds and
eighty three pence from the
Highmond branch of Tesburys' -

MEGAN
Well, yes -

MAN #2
Mrs Preston this will be much
easier if you remain silent until
questioned.

MAN #1
On the 17th, some two weeks later,
you returned and purchased eight
pints of milk.

MEGAN
Is there a problem?

MAN #2 COSHES MEGAN WHO DROPS TO THE FLOOR.

MAN #2
(leaning over Megan)
I warned you. You can't say I
didn't warn you.

MAN #1
Please excuse my colleague, he can
be a little enthusiastic.

MAN #1 NODS AT MAN #2 WHO PULLS MEGAN BACK IN TO THE CHAIR.

MAN #1
According to our records you would
have run out of milk two days ago
and yet you have not returned to
Tesburys' to purchase more. Care to
Explain why Mrs Preston?

MEGAN LOOKS AT MAN #2 WHO NODS.

MEGAN
I picked up a couple of pints from
Morriways on the way home from
work.

MAN #2 RAISES HIS COSH.

MEGAN
But I'm going to Tesburys' tomorrow
to do my big shop.

MAN #1
Very good Mrs Preston.
(beat)
Just remember, Loyalty cards are
for the loyal.

THE TWO MEN HEAD FOR THE DOOR AND GO TO EXIT.

MAN #2
And don't forget to bring your own
bags, we don't want you harming the
environment.

THEY EXIT.

THE END.

kjs

Nice simple, and convincing, and a good twist on the punch.

No suggestions. Like the idea.

Yeah Very good!

Cheers folks.

kjs

Interesting idea.

I was going to suggest cutting it off at the milk point but changed my mind.

I liked this too, I think it could be shorter and without the last line about the bags. or rather, just swop the last lines around, I think the loyalty line is a stronger one to end on.

I took a couple of reads to understand it. Does that make me dense? Probably! I thought it was good anyway. It could still be better, though, I reckon - could make it a bit more bristling with humour at the start maybe. Or maybe that's just not the style you're looking for. I'd also like to see the men more sinister...? "We've been observing your shopping habits." Anyway, I enjoyed it.

Maybe they could chop up her Matalan card or something. "We do clothes too, madam."

Maybe another possible punch, after the exisiting one, would be cutting to a Morriways van outside, filled with FBI/SAS-type workers about to break into the house?

And her internet shopping could be monitored too. Lots of possibilities for another sketch anyway, which is great.

Thanks for your thoughts and ideas boys and girls...

kjs

Was it a cosh lettuce?

As you know, I'm a fan of any sketch involving an innocent woman being assaulted wish a cosh, but I agree the punchline should be the "Loyalty cards are for the loyal" bit.

As I mentioned elsewhere: This might be best played as if the two men use harmless 'coshes' and on further thought that leads to playing them as Clowns in highly coloured supermarket uniforms and using inflated huge bananas as coshes.

Perhaps leave out the Loyalty line, but as they leave you see
"Tesbury's Loyalty Police"
on the back of their uniforms.

that's an awful idea about the clowns.

clowns aren't funny.