More A boy named shoe

here is another scene from A boy named Shoe.

THE KITCHEN. INT. NIGHT

WE SEE JIMMY AT THE WORKTOP BAKING. HE APPEARS TO BE NAKED. THE DOOR OPENS AND BIFF ENTERS.

BIFF:
What the Hell are you doing Jimmy?
JIMMY:
Baking.
BIFF:
Are you naked?

JIMMY SMILES. HE BEGINS TO STEP OUT FROM BEHIND COUNTER.

BIFF:
No. For God’s sake don’t come out.
JIMMY:
Do you have a problem with nudity?
BIFF:
Girls, yes please. Blokes , erm no! Why in gods name are you naked?
JIMMY:
It’s a new business venture. Naked workers. People will love it.
BIFF:
Dare I ask what naked workers will do?
JIMMY:
Nothing seedy. Vacuuming, ironing, cooking, decorating. Only we do it naked.
BIFF:
We?

JED’S HEAD APPEARS ABOVE WORK TOP WHERE HE HAS BEEN BELOW JIMMY.

BIFF FROWNS.

JED:
I dropped this.

HE HOLDS UP A BANANNA. BIFF RAISES AN EYEBROW.

JIMMY SMILES AND HOLDS A PLATE OUT TO BIFF.

JIMMY:
Chocolate balls?

As a skit it wouldn't work all that well. As a bit of a sitcom, it works nicely. Much of the humour comes from the character, and how they react to each other. In a page, with no info dump, I feel I have a very good take on them. Good stuff.

Mm, I thought this was nice too.

sorry but this is not going to work unless it's aiming at 'it crowd' audience

Quote: Oliver @ March 19, 2008, 3:54 PM

sorry but this is not going to work unless it's aiming at 'it crowd' audience

View original

What an odd remark!
"Sorry, but this is not going to work unless it's aimed at an audience that will enjoy it" ... eh?!

There may be somtehing t it in that you might need to post a bit more of the sitcom for its style to show. Can't tell much from a short scene.

I suppose I should be more helpful rather than pointing out the base level of the humour, and for that I apologise! But quite frankly this is way too obvious and 'carry on'.

eg/chocolate balls

Quote: Oliver @ March 19, 2008, 5:53 PM

I suppose I should be more helpful rather than pointing out the base level of the humour, and for that I apologise! But quite frankly this is way too obvious and 'carry on'.

eg/chocolate balls

View original

A boy named shoe is that style of comedey...Men behaving badly/ two pints/ young ones/ bottom/ carry on. I'm not clever enough for intelectual humor so I always fall back on smut.