This was originally very much longer, so I hacked away at it mercilessly.
I hope what's left still makes some sense as a sketch.
ROLF HARRIS IN SURGICAL GOWN, PUTTING ON RUBBER GLOVES.
HE IS A LITTLE OUT OF BREATH.
ROLF:
Well, it seems one of the roos here at the sanctuary has got something caught under his skin, and unfortunately it’s started to become a little infected.
YOUNG KANGEROO LYING ON OPERATING TABLE. VET BEHIND IT.
ROLF:
So what’s the situation, doc?
VET:
I’ve made a small incision around the infected area here, where the object is buried.
ROLF:
Right. So can you see what it is yet?
VET:
No, not yet. I’m going to have to go in a bit deeper. But I’m afraid if the anesthetic wears off the poor little feller’s going to be in quite some pain, and…
VET LOOKS UP TO FIND THAT ROLF HAS DISAPPEARED.
HE RETUNS WITH A HANDFUL OF STRAPS.
ROLF:
Well, we don’t want it a-hop hopping off the table, do we? (TO CAMERAMAN) Would you be a sport and help me tie it down?
ROLF STARTS TYING THE STRAPS ROUND THE KANGEROO.
VET:
Rolf, no! Please, that really isn’t necessary.
ROLF:
No worries, mate. No worries.
ROLF STARTS PUTTING ON THE LAST STRAP.
VET:
Ok. Well, erm, as I say, the next part is going to be a very delicate procedure…
ROLF SUDDENLY STARTS BOBBING UP AND DOWN AND SINGING ‘HINGE HAR, HINGE HAR’ WHLE BLOWING OUT HIS CHEEKS.
VET:
Look, please! This really is not an appropriate time for a song.
ROLF:
No, mate, no! It’s not a song, I’ve gone and got me knackers caught in this strap, hinge har! Ooh, something’s well and truly pinched me winkles.
ROLF FINALLY RELEASES HIMSELF.
VET:
How did you catch your testi…are you wearing any pants under that gown, Rolf?
ROLF:
(RUBBING TESTIS) No, mate. Like the Abo’s back in the outback, I like to keep me cockatoo cool, Curl. You know what I mean?
VET:
Yes. Well, anyway…So I’m going to make an incision here…
TWO POLICEMEN SUDDENLY BURST INTO THE ROOM.
VET:
Oh for fu…
POLICEMAN1:
Sorry, sir. I do beg your pardon. (TO ROLF) Now come on you, matey. Off we go.
THE POLICEMEN GRAB ROLF AND GO TO TAKE HIM OUT OF THE ROOM.
WITH HIS BACK NOW TURNED WE SEE HIS BARE BACKSIDE.
VET:
What? Wait a minute. I can’t say I’m not relieved, but what’s going on? What about Animal Hospital?
POLICEMAN1:
I’m ever so sorry, sir, but there never was no Animal Hospital. We’ve just chased the bugger off the set of Cartoon Club, not sure how he got past your security to be honest. (SOLEMN) You should’ve seen some of the drawings, poor little beggars. (TO ROLF) Come on then, let’s have you.
