Int. Dining room.
A Father and Son (16) are sat at the dining table. Some birthday presents are on the table.
Father: To think that you’re now 5 years old, son. I remember when you were born I was so-
Son: Dad, I’m 16.
Father: (LAUGHS) No you’re not. You’re 5.
Son: I’m 16!
Father: (SIGHS) When were you born?
Son: 1992.
Father: Yes, but what date?
Son: February 29th.
Father: And how many February 29th’s have there been since then?
Son: 5.
Father: Oh, so if there’s only been 5, you must surely be, hmmmm, ah yes! 5.
Son: It doesn’t work like that!
Father: Yes it does. I was born on 17th April 1967 and that meant that 5 April the 17th’s later, I was 5. Not 16.
Son: I’m 16!
Father: Is this because we didn't get you enough balloons? Did you want more balloons?
Son: I'm SIX-BLOODY-TEEN!
Father: Any more language like that and I wont let you watch your cartoons.
Son: Stuff cartoons. I’ve had enough of this!
Father: Of what?
Son: Every year, Mum and I have to hold a secret birthday party on March 1st. Just so we don’t have to hear you bellyaching on.
Father: If you don’t calm down then you’re going to get a smacked botty.
The mother enters with a cake. The candles are burning. She puts it on the table.
Son: Mum, will you tell him that I’m 16 and not 5.
Mother: (SIGHS) Not this again.
Father: I’m just stating a fact. Logically, he must only be 5 years old.
Mother: Could we just get on with blowing the candles out.
The son goes to blow the candles out.
Father: WAIT! WAIT! WAIT!
Mother: What?
Father: Dear, how many candles have you put on this cake?
Mother: 16.
Father: Right.
The father licks his thumb and forefinger and extinguishes 11 of the candles.
Father: That’s better.
Son: I hate you.
Father: You’ll thank me one day.
Son: (WHINES) Mum!
Father: It’s not worth arguing with him. Just blow the candles out.
The son goes to blow the candles out.
Father: WAIT! WAIT! WAIT!
Son: What now?!
Father: Don't forget to make a wish!
Son: Ok.
The son thinks hard and then smiles to himself. He blows out the candles. There is a puff of smoke and where the father was sat there is now a baby sat in amongst grown ups clothes.
ENDS
