British Comedy Guide

3 Quickies

cocka-can't

TWO WOMEN SHOPPING ONE HAS A COCKATOO ON HER SHOULDER.

WOMEN1With this credit crunch, should I change credit cards?

WOMEN2I swapped my Goldfish credit card for one of these, it's saved me thousands.

WOMEN1How does it work?

WOMEN2Oooh that's a nice pair of pair of shoes.

COCKATOOOi stupid, you're broke you cock-a-can't afford it.

WOMEN1It's a cocka-can't.

Emoti-con

AN EMOTI CON OF A FAT SAD YELLOW FACE FLASHES UP ON THE SCREEN, TURNS GREEN THROWS UP, BECOMES SMALL YELLOW, AND SMILING

MANI'm an bulemic

AN BLACK EMOTI CON WITH SMALL EYES APPEARS ON THE SCREEN

MANI'm a fundamentalist Muslim woman.

A YELLOW EMOTI CON WITH AN ATERIX INSIDE IT

BOARD MURMURS DISGRUNTEDLY.

BOARD MEMBERWhat is that?

MANI'm an arsehole

Ishit

INTERIOR BATHROOOM

MAN IS SHOWING A WOMAN AROUND HIS TRENDY FLAT, THEY ARE AT THE BATHROOM

MAN
Yah, so I thought I've got an ibook, an ipod mini nano shuffler, and an iphone, so why not get one of these.

WOMANIs it a toilet?

FOCUS ON HOLE IN BATHROOM FLOOR WITH A PIPE STICKING OUT OF THE WALL

MAN
Don't be so 20th century, this is the noughties, it's an Ishit. You put your mouth round the pipe, and compressed air blows your poo straight out of your colon.

WOMAN
What if you need a pee?

MANYou'll have to wait 6 months for the software patch,

I know you churn them out at an extraordinary rate but I'm afraid none of them made me actually laugh.

Never pissed when you are post. You'll regret it in the morning.

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