A RECORD SHOP. INT. DAY
REECES STANDS BEHIND A COUNTER. VINYL RECORDS ARE IN RACKS AND ON THE WALL OVER HIS HEAD. THE DOOR OPENS AND ROY ENERS.
REECE:
Hiya Jim, how’s things?
ROY:
Ok.
REECE:
So what can I do for you?
ROY:
Have you got anything by Kandy Floss. They released a single called ‘I want it right now.’ They have a blonde singer called Chantelle. She was on celebrity Big Brother.
REECE:
They weren’t a real band mate. Chantele wasn’t a real celebrity.
ROY:
But they played the song on Big Brother. Why would they lie, why would they say she was a celebrity if she wasn’t?
REECE:
It was a joke, a trick, she had to convince the house mates she was a celebrity.
ROY:
It worked, I fell for it.
REECE:
But we were in on the joke; they told us she wasn’t a real celebrity.
ROY:
Ok, do you have ‘Baby on board’ by the B sharps? They are a barbers shop quartet.
REECE:
From the Simpson’s.
ROY:
What?
REECE:
They are from the Simpson’s.
ROY:
I could sing the song for you.
REECE:
I would rather you didn’t.
ROY:
Spinal tap then, anything by them?
REECE:
No.
ROY:
The Fabulous Baker boys?
REECE:
No,
ROY:
Finger bang? Rachel Marion?
REECE:
No.
ROY:
Pudding people? Party Possee?
REECE:
No and no.
ROY:
Smeg and the Heads?
REECE:
You’re taking the piss now.
ROY:
No. you obviously know nothing about modern music, how did you get this job anyway? Sleeping with the boss?
REECE:
Roy, I am the boss, so yes. Anything else?
ROY:
I don’t suppose you know where I can get a book by Jessica Fletcher?
REECE:
I never knew anyone speak so much crap. You make Trigger from only fool’s look intelligent.
ROY:
Talking of Only fools. What was Boyce’s surname?
REECE:
What do you think it was?
ROY:
I don’t know do I? that’s why I asked.
REECE:
Think along the lines of Morrissey. What’s his surname?
ROY PONDERS
ROY:
Smith obviously.
REECE:
You think he’s called Morrissey Smith?
ROY:
Yes, The Smiths. Morrissey Smith, Johnny Marr Smith, and the other two.
REECE:
Johnny Marr Smith?
ROY:
Yes. I thought it was like Billy Bob Thornton, or John Boy Walton.
REECE:
The Smith’s are not a family, they’re not like the Jackson’s. Smith wasn’t their given name.
ROY:
So what is Morrissey’s surname?
REECE:
Morrissey. Morrissey is Morrissey’s surname.
ROY:
Morrissey Morrissey? What sort of a name is that?
REECE:
It isn’t Morrissey Morrissey. Morrissey isn’t his first name. He just uses his surname, like Parkinson.
ROY:
And Pingu?
REECE:
No. not like pingu you freak. Jesus. What’s going on in your head? Does a hamster going round in a wheel operate the cogs in your brain? Only joking, that’s way to advanced, they haven’t invented the wheel yet have they?
ROY:
None of this answers my question though. I asked what was Boyce’s surname. Your mind just isn’t with it is it? Rabbiting on about Morrissey. I don’t even know how we got onto him.
REECE:
It’s Boyce. His surname is Boyce, but don’t ask me his first name because I have no idea.
ROY:
I can answer that one, it’s Farmer.
REECE:
Farmer?
ROY:
Yea, I saw him in The green green grass and they all call him Farmer Boyce. Must be one of them strange celebrity names like FiFi Trixabelle and Natasha Kaplinski.
