I dumped this one breasted woman, with a baby called tat
She was mean, it was all tit for tat
I complained about my local bin man for drinking hoffmeister on duty
I couldn't he's dustbin hoff-man he's fantastic
And her next door plays in goal, and always leans at 45 degrees
Angle-leaner goalie phwooor
I am the pun-da-mentalist
Any chance of some better spacing between the jokes, sootyj? It's really not the easiest to read with the spacing between joke and pun being the same as pun and next joke!
Quote: David Chapman @ March 7, 2008, 12:43 AMBear with me on this.......
If zooo married David Tennant she'd have squatters rights or......
Law of tennants.
Oh my word. That was laboured. (But great!)
Will try and space my self better, or I'll get exhausted another pun!
arf arf!
I saw a guy lifting a car, who was scared of gherkins
fancy that jack pickle-shun
I'm so glad I bought matching white and orange fish from my local petshop, they sound greay
They're pet shop Kois
Quote: zooo @ March 7, 2008, 12:55 AMOh my word. That was laboured. (But great!)
I know - sorry! I actually had to think about it.
Scientists have been spending the last ten years trying to create a hybrid fruit/vegatable.
At last they have come up with this:
Behold the world's first melon-cauliflower!!
Yes, I do puns with the very best!
Quote: ian_w @ March 7, 2008, 1:52 AMBehold the world's first melon-cauliflower!!
They just need some cheering up, anyone know where we can get a cheap whore-ticulture?
Quote: Godot Taxis @ March 6, 2008, 11:09 PMOh man, you need to be on the TV!
Thank you very much.
Contra Fagotto - gay-hating Double Bassoon player.
Affrettando - Andy worried too much.
Semibreve - half fast.
Allabreve - hotel supplied version of Koran.
Adagissimo - Ada, can you spare me a minute.
E Flat - apartment in Brussels.
B Flat - "got you, you bastard!"
Dolcissimo - small shoe shop.
Expressivo - four cups of coffee.
Fortissimo - stronghold overrun by Issimo indians.
Glissando - a use for KY jelly.
Doppio - dwarf's cousin.
Largamente - wrong beer served.
Legno - that McCartney woman!
Nobilmente - prize for something.
Pizzicato - rather suspect pizza ingredient.
Ritard - French drink.
Rubato - cure for itchy foot.
Simile - "saiy cheiese!"
Semplice - "day am de sem pleece dat nicked me de uvver nite".
Slargando - bloke from Essex.
Scherzoso - 60's fashion statement.
Schnell - schnail dwelling.
Strepitoso - sexually transmitted foot ailment.
Vivacissimo - saucy sibling.
And finally ... why does it say "waiting for bored.sitcom.co.uk" just before the time-out on a post edit!?!
Quote: Charisma @ March 6, 2008, 9:05 PMSomething toilet based?
No sorry, thats a shit idea.
Urine to something good with that one.
sorry, that was terrrible.
I shall hang my head in shame now.
It's dire 'ere.
This is taken from some local news today and the challenge is - PUN THIS:
Complaints that foul odours have been wafting from a new pet food factory in Somerset have resulted in an action plan being set up to tackle the stench.
People in Castle Carey contacted the Environment Agency over smells coming from Crown Pet Foods.
At a meeting this week, management from the firm said additional investment would provide a long-term solution to alleviate the problem.
They also pledged to carry out daily odour checks of the area.
Sounds like they odour people an apology.
Quote: Andrew M Bedell @ March 7, 2008, 11:47 AMUrine to something good with that one.
sorry, that was terrrible.
I shall hang my head in shame now.
They're all rotters. Except mine of corpse 
They're (maybe!?!)
(Aaron complex!)