Int. Police Interview Room
A policeman is sat at a table opposite a man
Policeman: Are you aware of why you've been arrested?
Man: As a matter of fact, no.
Policeman: Don’t worry, it's purely procedure.
Man: Oh and bundling me into a sack and shoving me in the boot of a car is also purely procedure?
Policeman: Probably. It’s probably in the rule book. Somewhere.
Man: Well I'm not saying anything until my solicitor gets here.
Policeman: Your solicitor? Oh (LAUGHS) he rang to say he can’t make it today.
Man: He rang? He?! But she's a woman!
Policeman: (SIGHS) More fool you then.
Man: What exactly is it I’m being charged with?
Policeman: That's no concern of yours.
Man: What? What about my civil liberties?
Policeman: They're at reception, you can get them on your way out.
Man: So I am going to get released?
Policeman: As long as you co-operate with us.
Man: What d’you want to know then?
Policeman: Are you Jack The Ripper?
Man: Of course I'm not.
Policeman: And why's that?
Man: Because he'd be over 100 years old by now!
Policeman: I see. Let me ask you this then: Are you the real mother of Prince Charles?
Man: No I am not!
Policeman: I've got a number of sources that tell me otherwise.
Man: And I've got a number of testicles that PROVE otherwise!
Policeman: Well we're going to have to charge you with something.
Man: Why?
Policeman: For statistics.
Man: Jesus! What have you got then?
Policeman: Carrying an armed toupee?
Man: No, not for me.
Policeman: Resisting a kiss from the chief of police?
Man: Has he got a beard?
Policeman: He has actually.
Man: Ah, I can't resist beards, so that’s a no.
Policeman: Hmmm, impersonating a police officer?
Man: Yeah, ok. I'll have that one.
Policeman: Go on then. Start impersonating.
Man: Alright. I’ll start by arresting you.
Policeman: Me? Whatever for?
Man: Wasting police time.
Policeman: Meh, it's a fair cop.
ENDS
