Just an exercise for us all to do!!

This is just an exercise to get the brain working. God i need a working brain.

Right....

Why is it that when i am on a diet, i count the calorie intake of food i eat, but think nothing of the amount of wine i drink?

Why is it that when i am in a rush, i cant find 1 pair out of the 18 pairs of nickers i do have, that are clean or un-chewed by the dogs?

Why is it that when my husband hates me, i actualy fancy him?

Why is it that when i realy dont think i can drink another drop, i polish off another bottle?

Why is it, that i am the only f**ker in a house of 4 that can change an empty toilet roll for a full one?

Why is it wen you go for a blood test they cant find a vein, yet 5 miins before it was danciing out of your skin?

Why is it that even with the size of a toilet pan that you guys still miss that gaping hole and piss on the floor?

Why is it that my kids aparently know everything, yet when i ask who ate my last 2 slices of pizza they know nothing?

Why is it that when i think i look effin fantabulous, some fooker with a camera takes a picture, and it makes me out to be a lying Biatch?

Why is it that wen i realy dont want to do something, i end up doing it?

Why is it that when i have a massive night out planned, my face decides to play dot to dot wiith zits,boils,crustations and all that is vile & nasty

Why is it that the one thing i need more than anything,is the thing i last lent to a neighbour, who broke it?

Why is it that the able bodied have male and female toilets, yet the disabled have to share.

..........................................................
Old sayings that mean Bollox........

Who said cleanliness is next to godliness?
Ive scrubbed my tiles till my face shines back at me..WHERES MY FUCKING CHURCH?

Who said what goes around comes around?
Ive been going around and around so much i am as dizzy as feck. "Wheres my come around? Eh! Eh!

Who said have your cake and eat it too?
What the feck are you supposed to do with it? Hey come round friends n family. I have a big fat chocolate cake, oooooooozing with fresh whipped cream that you can all look at!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Who was it that first started the following saying.."Those that ask dont get & those that dont ask dont want". Was it thieves. To me this means *take it*..I want the name & address of these bastards.

Any other add ons for this out there?????????????????????????????

Why is it that when I decide to drink myself stupid, people say that's a stupid idea

Why is it that when i am on a diet, i count the calorie intake of food i eat, but think nothing of the amount of wine i drink? Because you would count wine calories twice.

Why is it that when i am in a rush, i cant find 1 pair out of the 18 pairs of nickers i do have, that are clean or un-chewed by the dogs? You should raise your standards.

Why is it that when my husband hates me, i actualy fancy him? You own halve of everything he owns, including his balls.

Why is it that when i realy dont think i can drink another drop, i polish off another bottle?Women are good at polishing, cleaning etc.

Why is it, that i am the only f**ker in a house of 4 that can change an empty toilet roll for a full one?Men think puppies change toilet rolls.

Why is it wen you go for a blood test they cant find a vein, yet 5 miins before it was danciing out of your skin?Veins are vain and don't like to be seen by other people.

Why is it that even with the size of a toilet pan that you guys still miss that gaping hole and piss on the floor?Why do women need the seat down because they can't be bothered to put it down when they pee?

Why is it that my kids aparently know everything, yet when i ask who ate my last 2 slices of pizza they know nothing?Kids steal the funniest things.

Why is it that when i think i look effin fantabulous, some fooker with a camera takes a picture, and it makes me out to be a lying Biatch?Theres obviously a light distorting vortex between the camera and you, its the only explanation.

Why is it that wen i realy dont want to do something, i end up doing it?Maybe because you can't spell you can't spell when?

Why is it that when i have a massive night out planned, my face decides to play dot to dot wiith zits,boils,crustations and all that is vile & nasty?Those grease facials aren't all they are cracked up to be.

Why is it that the one thing i need more than anything,is the thing i last lent to a neighbour, who broke it?Look after your toys and don't lend them to sado-masochistic neighbours.

Why is it that the able bodied have male and female toilets, yet the disabled have to share. Its hard to sit on a urinal even if you aren't disabled.

Hahaha AJP29.
I liked that..

The vein, & the kids steal the funniest things made me choke on my bloke.

Oh and Oi you, not all disabled people cant stand. lol, and why should a diisabled lady have to swim to the toilet cause some smelly guy has pissed all over it. Disabled or abled, all you men are toilet pigs!!!

But hey Mr Meanie.....
I can spell when, i just have a habit of writing text speech due to the job i am doing at the moment. I must spell check everything before i post it.You guys are obsessed yet you all make spelling and punctuation errors. Even on your moan at me. Typical bloodie men...

Men are just peeing on the floor because they want to keep their feet warm.

I'm sorry for being peadantick about spelling i just can't stand it when people spell things wong especially if it sounds chinese. I had a bad experience ordering a chinese once. Lets just say I won't be eating Tiger penis again or at least not swallowing.

Hahaha.........You are so forgiven and all because the lady loves a giggle. x