Discretion

The Queen is reading a paper and Prince Philip walks in with a rent boy.

Queen

Philip what the bloody hell is going on?

Philip

I picked up some rough trade in Soho, and now I'm going to knight him on both cheeks, and between them, darling.

Rentboy

Hey Princey you said you'd show me your crown jewels.

Queen

Have you gone mad? The press will ruin us.

Philip

Settle my regal sunrise, of the morning, I just told the press it was a matter of national security, like with Harry and they were fine.

Queen

You mean, if it's for national security, the papers will shut up like good boys, and we can do anything we like?

Philip

Yes my Sovereign Sausage, now come on Miguel I'm going to show you why they called me Henry the 8th inch in the navy.

Queen

I can finally get that abortion I always wanted, Andrew, Charles, Edward can you come to the throne room please.

Pulls out gun

actually a funny premise, using the media blackout thing....prob a funnier way to introduce it than having Philip as gay though.

Yeh it kinda sucks, this is the one I sent to Treason, I think it's an improvement

Ami Winehouse is talking to her agent

Ami
It’s not fair, I’m Ami Winehouse the new Edith Piaf with a crack problem, and the press won’t leave me alone. Please don’t try to make goto rehab, because it’s no, no.

Agent
Ami my soiled song bird, don’t worry, I have another client just like you. Bad hair, bad temper, a nose like a dyson. I’ve got a mate who helped him out.

Ami
Really who?

Agent
Come on out Achmed.

Achmed walks on.

Achmed
You want me to hide?

Agent
Yes go hide, Achmed used to be a Taliban now, Ami go look for him.

Achmed hides behind a curtain, Ami makes a half arsed attempt to look for him, agent dials phone.

Agent
Hello is that the Guardian, Ami Winehouse is doing her patriotic duty searching for the Taliban, and for reasons of security I want her privacy respected….yes just like Prince William

I liked it. I thought the gay jokes were funny too.