Hi all I'm Jon
I need some advice on my comedy: Here is one of my sketches: (more can be found on www.loveofthedark.co.uk )
Seedy Captor
EXT - STREET
Post man walks up to a house to deliver a parcel, knocks on the door, as soon as he knocks once the door flies open and Horris is standing there.
Postman: Good morning sir, I have a Parcel for you here.
As the post man passes Horris the parcel Horris crouches forward
Horris: Would you like a cup of tea, young lad?
Postman: No I’m quite alright thank you, I’ve got a lot of work to do
Horris leans forward and has a look in the street both ways to ‘check the coast is clear’, then grabs the postman by the collar of his shirt and throws him into the house. Horris takes another look into the street then turns back into the house with a sly grin on his face.
INT - HALLWAY
The postman is on the floor in shock. Horris ‘dead bolts’ the door and puts the safety catch on.
Horris: An old man like me has to be careful, I could be violated at any time by a group of young lads such as yourself (Slight smile on his face at the thought of it)
Horris Stands close to him. The postman stands up and Horris walks very slowly, pretty much forcing him towards the kitchen.
INT - KITCHEN
The postman falls back onto a seat.
Horris: I’m Horris, and you are?
Postman: Pete (Postman is scared and stutters)
Horris: Are you from these parts young Peter?
In a shivery voice the postman replies
Postman: I live by the old Bakery
Horris: Very nice very nice
Horris makes a cup of tea and it over, as the postman takes the tea Horris reaches over with his other hand and strokes the postman’s hand very softly, just once.
As the postman takes a drink of his tea, Horris smiles with his black teeth showing.
Horris: It’s nice to have something warm inside isn’t it young Peter
Postman tries to ignore the comment
Horris: A nice warm liquid inside you (Horris raises his eyebrows)
INT - HALLWAY
Postman: I must be off now (postman rushes to the door)
As the postman has difficulty opening the door Horris walks towards him. The postman finally opens the door then quickly Horris closes the door with the postman trapped in the doorway.
Horris: Don’t you want to make me warm inside (Horris looks at him eagerly awaiting an answer)
Postman: shouting help, help I’m …
EXT - STREET
The postman breaks free and runs of down the street constantly looking back, BANG straight into a post
Horris walk out constantly looking around, he slumps the postman’s body over his shoulder and walks back to the house. He throws the body down and locks the door behind him.
INT – CELLAR STAIRS/ CELLAR
Then picks up the body again and walks down to the cellar.
A voice from the bottom of the cellar: help……please help. I’m trapped
Horris: No worry my boy, I am here now.
The voice stops abruptly
As Horris reaches the bottom of the stairs there are 3 rooms in a very dingy dark cellar
INT – DARK CREEPY ROOM (IN THE CELLAR)
Horris opens one door and there are chains locked to a stained disgusting mattress. Horris places the boy down and locks him up and kisses him on the forehead.
Horris: There you go my boy you are safe now.
)