Phone Sketch Idea

An experiment of an idea I had. I think I need to get the conversation getting more ludicrous as it goes on, but at least it's mapped out in some way now.

Int. Office.

Two men are sat at their desks. Man 1 is dialling a number on his phone. Man 2's phone starts ringing and he looks at the phone display.

Man 2: Oh God, it's the wife.

Man 2 picks up his phone as Man 1's phone call is answered.

Man 1: Hello

Man 2: What do you want?

Man 1: I'd like to place an order.

Man 2: Whatever for?

Man 1: 300 pens.

Man 2: Oh is that all is it?!

Man 1: Actually, make it 400.

Man 2: You're unbelievable.

Man 1: Are they the lid type ones or the retracting type ones?

Man 2: Either way I'm the one who gets screwed.

Man 1: Can you do half and half?

Man 2: I can't believe you just asked that.

Man 1: Ok, I'll just have the lid type ones.

Man 2: You really think that makes my life easier?

Man 1: How soon can you get them here?

Man 2: Not in my lifetime!

Man 1: Excellent.

Man 2: Oh stop being so smug.

Man 1: Goodbye.

Man 2: Shut up.

Both men hang up.

Ends

I think that would be easier to follow visually

I think it's a great idea, but you're right, you need to work on just how absurd you can take it. Still some good stuff there though.

Great stuff Winty.

Very similar to the Two Ronnies sketch about the guy having an affair with the girl from the supermarket

Yep, think it needs to be funnier but the idea shows how well you're progressing as a writer.

Very effective, and clever, and reminiscent of 2 Ronnies (which is a good thing). Could be refined, it needs a real snap snap feel. But well on the way to being a classic.

Well I had another go at moving this forward a step and it's made some ground. It's VERY difficult though. You've got to try and have 3 conversations going at once in your head.

Int. Office

Two men are working at their desks. Man A looks over at Man B.

Man A: We're running low on pens, could you order some up for the stationary cupboard.

Man B: Yeah, fine.

Man B starts dialling a number on the phone. Man A's phone starts ringing, he looks at the display.

Man A: Oh God, it's the wife!

Man A picks the phone up as Man B's call is answered.

Man B: Hello!

Man A: What do you want?

Man B: I'd like to place an order for some pens please.

Man A: How many this time?

Man B: 400.

Man A: I've told you before, the bed can't take that many!

Man B: No, I think 400's enough.

Man A: I remember when I used to be enough.

Man B: Now, which ones are best in your opinion: the ones with lids or the ones with retractable nibs

Man A: Either way you're gonna be screwed!

Man B: Hmmm, I think I'll have both of them.

Man A: You do realise the bible looks down on that sort of thing.

Man B: I take it your delivery will be the usual short length?

Man A: I thought you said that wasn't an issue!

Man B: (LAUGHS)

Man A: You're the most greedy, selfish, bullying individual I've ever met.

Man B: It's been a pleasure talking to you too.

Both men hang up.

ENDS

Better, and good enough, and use it some where. This kind of skit, only truly comes together when acted out.

Yea, I like that. Funny stuff.

I can't help but think it needs that extra 10% to raise it to another level. I've got the rest of forever to work on it though!