British Comedy Guide

Persecution of Beauty Sketch

Int. Kitchen

A rather handsome man is sat at a table. He is looking into the camera.

Man: Being an incredibly good looking man certainly does have it's benefits.

CUT TO: Int. Bedroom

The man is laying in bed with his arms round two nubile blonde women. The man gives the thumbs up.

CUT TO: Int. Kitchen

The man is still at his table.

Man: But it also has it's disadvantages. For example, earlier today I developed a bad headache.

CUT TO: Int. Phamacy

The man is at the counter. A young female is behind the counter and looking at the man dreamily.

Man: Hello, I'd like some painkillers.

The young female starts playing with her hair in a coy fashion.

Man: I really need some painkillers. My frontal lobe feels like it's going to explode.

The young female starts draping herself across the counter.

Man: Please don't do that.

CUT TO: Int. Kitchen

The man at his table again.

Man: I really need painkillers, so I'm going to have to ugly myself up. I bought these at a joke shop earlier.

The man picks up a set of novelty 'buck teeth'. He puts them in and looks into the camera.

CUT TO: Int. Phamacy

The man is at the counter. The young female is looking at him in disgust.

Man: (MUFFLED NONSENSE)

Female: What?

Man: (MUFFLED NONSENSE)

Female: I can't hear you.

The man angrily takes out his novelty teeth. The female starts staring dreamily at him again.

Man: I want some painkillers!

The female smiles and starts unbuttoning her top.

Man: Please don't do that.

ENDS

Hmmmmmm....I did not laugh but I liked the format & structure. It was easy to picture the back & forths.

I find this to be true with most of what you post here.

Your formatting is improving and you're doing some fine editing as is evident by the good fast pace and short lines.

To get humorous results one must be feel humorous while writing; have to be in a playful & piss-taking mood. I wonder if your mood or 'tude is a tad too serious when you sit down to write comedy? Perhaps too much of "I gotta/must do this (or else I'm a failure)" rather than "I wanna do this/I feel like taking the piss"...?

Just thoughts.

Death knocks on all doors.

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