This was an article I had written for a satirical online paper.
One or two said it would make an amusing skecth if worked up into that format. So here it is.
It's part of a running sketch as there is a sequel and indeed a prequel for it now I have sketchified it.
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BLOOH PEEHAH
1.INT – LOUNGE IN ANY HOUSE –DAY
A MIDDLE CLASS TYPE TEENAGE BOY IS PLAYING WITH AN AIRFIX MODEL AND WATCHING TV. BBC IDENTS COME ON THE SCREEN. THE TV PROGRAMME BECOMES THE MAIN ACTION
ANNOUNCER:
And now after their summer safari in Kenya, it’s time to welcome back an old favourite. Blue Peter…And you may notice one or two changes.
GRAMS______________________BLUE PETER MUSIC
THREE VERY ‘STREET’ PRESENTERS APPEAR AS THE STUDIO LIGHTS COME UP. BASEBALL CAPS, BLING AND ATTITUDE. TWO GIRLS ONE GUY.
GIRL 1:
Yo! And respek guys!
GIRL 2 AND GUY (TOGETHER)
Yeah! Respek to d’max.
GIRL 1:
Well as you can see there have been some changes an’that since we went away. Cos word was that we was mingin’ as a yoof show and half the target group, you know all the scumbags an’ hoodies wasn’t tunin’ in? So the bosses had a meetin’ an’ all and this is the noo style show.
GUY:
Yeah dat’s correk so we has made some wicked bangin’ changes.
GIRL 2:
Yeah wikid! First fing right? We got rid of Rex the old Blue Peter dog and it’s time to meet our noo pet ‘Ripper’
THE GUY HAS GONE OFF THE SET AND NOW RETURNS STRUGGLING WITH WHAT LOOKS LIKE A PITBULL.
GUY:
Woah there Ripper! Well this is ‘Ripper’ and he’s well bloomin’ hard like and that. I had him down the pub at lunchtime and he’s ripped a poodle to shreds. Blindin’
GIRL 1:
Brilliant! So that’s one change; Ripper, ahh! He’s lovely ain’t ‘e? And another is that we’re gonna set a few noo categories for winning our famous Blue Peter Badges.
GIRL 2:
Yeah! T’riffic. We got two new badges and here they are.
SHE HOLDS THEM UP TO THE CAMERA.
GIRL 2:
This first one is for TWOCing and if there’s any posh kids still watching, that’s nicking somebody’s car wiffout asking them first. And don’t go finkin’ anybody can get one of these. Your mum or dad’s car don’t count! Right?
GUY:
And the second one is our graffiti badge. Say, for defacing a wall, the side of some old gel’s aise or maybe a tube train or sumfink like thet.
SUDDENLY THE SCREEN GOES BLANK THE BBC LOGO APPEARS.
ANNOUNCER:
Sorry we appear to be having some technical difficulties with Blue Peter so until we can sort them out here’s some music.
END
