It all started back in 1985, when I had long hair and spent most of my days rocking out to Michael Bolton's long forgotten hit - I Have Marbles in My Eye (Sockets). The summers were longer back then and no one cared if jeans were too tight and skirts were tutu, times were good, times were real good, times were real-real good.
We would go down to the local post office and kick back with a few cans of the cold stuff. There was a game we used to play, we played lots of games, game are fun.
People used to say I resembled a young Noel Edmunds, I was a big hit with the ladies during those years, during those years, during those years...
I remember buying myself a personalised computer - it was the size of my house, but I did live in a shoe box, so i really can't complain. I worked hard for this computer and nothing was going to stop me, nothing, nothing dammit!! There was no fuse in the plug, it was Friday and back then the shops only stayed open for 3 hours a week, plus 9 minutes every other day, except thursdays on the 4th month of every 16th decade. There was nothing I could do, something stopped me.
I'd just finished listening to Micheal Bolton's obscure 1998 Fatboy slim remix album, entitled 'If cheese tastes this good then, then why am I singing?' which happens to be a very erotic, which was fortunate as I felt very sad that day and it's always nice to be perked up like that. The doorbell rang, but I wasn't in the mood for conversation so I hung up. Something was bugging me that day, was it that this very day is the day of the day of anniversary of my dear loves passing or was it all the bugs that infested my house? I don't know, but I do know a man who does, but he's dead...
Everything seemed bigger back then as well, trousers were bigger, so were doors and their frames, things appeared to be more higher-up too, a lot harder to reach. My mother says it's because i've grown and in a lot of ways I think I have, my hair for one. Speaking of hair, back in 1986.9 I found myself in a rather nasty car accident, which was weird because I wasn't even looking. Anyway, the resulting injuries meant that I needed a skin graft on my cheek, from one cheek to the other, the doctor took the skin from my bum cheek and stuck it right on my face cheek. Unfortunately I had a rather hairy bum and the hair continued to grow after the procedure, I had to shave my face, almost everyday, imagine that!!
People say I'm crazy, my psychiatrist says I'm not, she's a good man. We had an amazing love affair once, which lasted 43 minutes and 17 seconds, it was the longest relationship I ever had. It was too long, never again.
