INT DAY: A MAN AND A WOMAN SIT IN EACH OTHER’S ARMS, WEARING DRESSING GOWNS.
Man:
I’m so glad you got your teeth done, you look like a Hollywood star.
SHE BARES HER TEETH.
Woman:
Aw, thanks, babe.
Man:
And that boob job was worth every penny.
THE WOMAN PLACES THE MAN’S HAND ON HER BREASTS.
Woman:
Aye, caramba!
Man:
So whan are you getting those collagen implants to make your lips like Angelina Jolie’s?
Woman:
When you pay me the money for them.
Man:
Yeah, yeah, I’ll pay it all – it’ll be worth it for the blow jobs alone.
Woman:
You dirty squirrel! Anyway, when are you going to venture into cosmetic surgery?
Man:
What? Aren’t I perfect for a man of my age?
Woman:
You’re not bad but..
Man:
What d’ya mean?
Woman:
Well, I noticed that your anus is a bit dark in colour.
Man:
My anus is too dark for you? Well that opens up a right can of worms! Maybe my Jap’s eye is a bit racist as well..
Woman:
I noticed it when I was licking your balls.
Man:
Oh.
Woman:
Your really wrinkly balls!
Man:
No, go on, tell me what’s wriong with my arse hole..
HE PUTS HIS BOTTOM IN THE AIR AND THE WOMAN APPEARS TO BE LOOKING RIGHT UP HIS ANUS.
Woman:
Well, it’s almost black and it doesn’t match your crack or ball bag.
Man:
So now I’m supposed to accessorise my anus!
Woman:
I’ve booked you an appointment for anal bleaching.
Man:
What? Look, the colour of my anus is pretty low on my priorities at the moment.
Woman:
Do you want the hot-lipped nosh?
Man:
Erm..
THE WOMAN POUTS GENEROUSLY AND SIMULATES ORAL SEX
Male:
Well, I suppose..
Woman:
The appointment’s 2 o’clock tomorrow.
Man:
Fine!
THE WOMAN GETS UP AND GOES TO WALK OUT.
Woman:
They might even sort out your racist jap’s eye and wrinkly bollocks too!
FADE
