A few one liners

I think these are maybe a bit hit and miss.

My wife wants to try her hand as a stripper. I can't fault her for showing naked ambition.

I can't decide between Vision Express and Spec Savers. Why can't I have glasses both quickly and cheaply? Still, Dolland and Aichinson have no chance of getting my business.

I knew a DJ who could cure cancer simply by speaking in dulcet tones. He was in great demand as a radio therapist.

I had a great joke about alzheimers, but I've forgotten it... I had a great joke about alzeimhers, but I've forgotten it.

I've just started a new job making calendars. It's tough, but my boss has advised me to take it one day at a time.

What do brain surgeons say when they want to downplay the difficulty of their job?

I broke my ankle playing football. I've been advised to recover one step at a time.

Trying for a baby, I gave my wife one X and one Y chromosome. We're going to call the little fella xylophone.

There's an incredible statistic about life in London. You're never more than six feet, six feet, that's my height – six feet from an American.

I had an upper middle class upbringing rather than an upper class one. I ate crackers, but topped with cheese rather than Tarquin's cum.

I joined a suicide forum in Bridgend. I wanted a forum where it was easy to become the senior member.

I got chucked out of the Brigend suicide cult. Apparently, Facebook suicide doesn't qualify.

I thought the calender one was ok. A bit old fashioned, but nice.

The rest didn't work for me.

Not bad, but a little past sell by date, maybe concentrate on fewer of more quality (says he with comedic tourettes,)

do brain surgeons and rocket scientists patronize each other at parties?

Trying for a baby, I gave my wife one X and one Y chromosome. We're going to call the little fella xylophone.

I had an upper middle class upbringing rather than an upper class one. I ate crackers, but topped with cheese rather than Tarquin's cum.

My fav's.

didn't work for me.

Again Charley astonishingly filthy, and funny.
Do you write lines for the shouty mad tramp woman outside my local SPA?

I'm so confused since my doctor swopped my prostate with a vibrator

I don't know if I'm coming or going.

I feel some of these are a bit old but they can be twisted to make them seem more modern, you would be surprised how adding a swear word can add a bit of an edge to it. (Not that every joke has to have a swear word to make it funny or that swearing is the best way to improve a joke).