Quote: Griff @ May 9 2008, 11:19 PM BSTEarly Whores
Controversial comedy about children being forced into the sex industry.
Sponsored by Woolworths "Lolita" bedspreads for kids.
That is horrible indeed. I think this might be a contender for the worst ever.
Ahm' Strong and Killa'
New sketch show from Glasgow. Featuring a steroid addict, and a murderer.
Blakes's Severn
Futuristic thriller, set in the year 2009 on the river Severn. Can Blake and his fellow weirdos's who live on house boats resist, the evil British water ways authority?
The Slag Grade,
Desperate to make up the losses on his failing channel. Michael Grade invites ITV viewers (both of them), to phone in and ask him to perform gross acts.
Di's patches
Investigates the rumour that Princess Diana was addicted to nicotine.
C**tdown
Women shave their pubes to make quilts with.
Paul's Eye!
Like Bull's eye, but instead of targets you have to throw darts into one of Paul Daniel's eyes, extra points for hitting his Japs's eye,
Going for Gold.
Contestants have to swing wildly at Jeff Goldblum and the one to get the nearest to his nose without hitting him wins.
Going for Gold
6 European contestants, must avoid drinking water for as long as possible. To see which of them can produce gold coloured wee first,
Going for Gold.
4 japanese contestants must drink urine and find out which sample was used to clean a golden Buddha statue.
Sewing for old.
6 European contestants do all the sewing jobs, for an old folks home, heart warming.
Planet of the Japes
Astronaut wakes up on planet, ruled entirely by Jeremy Beadles carrying out unfunny, mean spirited pranks.
Take your withered hand off me, you damn dirty japester.
Growing Fur-Mold
High japes as this new reality programme has its pilot. 24 hours of watching fur-mold grow on food.
'More interesting than anything Graham Norton's done' The Times
'Alan Titsmarsh at his very best' Fur-Mold Monthly.
You've Been Served!
As a punishment for his crimes against comedy, sootyj must spend the rest of his life working at Grace Bros. department store.
Cock-a-doodle-do! - Tony Hart's penis develops a Jim'll-Fix-It complex and makes young children's dreams come true.
Tossing M'caber - the modern sequel to Porridge. Call-girls visit Slade prison. The pilot gets pulled off, as does the lead role.
Any D-Ream will poo.
Flaccid pop group, take large quantities of laxatives to see who will poo first.
Division on
Tony Heart travels to conflict zones, to encourage sides not to reconsile though the power of art.
This week Tony shows Hamas a pasta picture, of the Israeli PM calling them fart faces.
Porridge 2008
Realistic short lived program. In the first episode Fletcher gets early release on a tag (he gets to take off as it doesn't match his pants), and Godber kills himself.
Burly Whores
Nuff said on this niche program
Not Going Gout
Fat Northern comedian (who for the purposes of anonymity will be called Johnny Francisco) has a medical problem caused by a rich lifestyle. Yet, he is in denial and blanks everything out by incorporating grape into his stage act. 'Do you not mean rape, Johnny?' ask the bystanders. 'No', he replies, 'There's a bunch of them to come.'
Ifeel
Johnny Francisco again.