GLITZY SET OF A EURO-SONG CONTEST. A BANNER READS SONG FOR IRELAND 08
PRESENTER:
And now singing Ireland's fourth song, Daniel McDonald, with "Ach Sure my Mammy's Cold 'neath Clay"
CUT TO:
INT - A CONVENT - EVENING
TWO NUNS ARE WATCHING THE SHOW ON TV
NUN:
Ah not this bloomin eejit and a load of sentimental auld rubbish. God it gives Ireland a bad name.
DANIEL (SINGING)
Sure well I remember
'twas an awful sad day
When me da says to me son
Mammy's had to go away
Sure she never came back home
How I still hate the way
When my big sister told me
Ach Mammy's cold 'neath the clay
Toor-a-loo
Toor-a-lay
When my big sister told me
Ach Mammy's cold 'neath the clay
NUN:
Saints preserve us, but that's diabolical!
MOTHER SUPERIOR:
He's blander than Cliff Richard and that's sayin something all right.
NUN:
Oh that he is Mother. He's fierce awful wishy-washy right enough.
CUT TO:
INT - CONVENT - EVENING
THE NUNS ARE STILL WATCHING THE SHOW
PRESENTER:
Ah wasn't that lovely all together? Daniel McDonald there. Fantastic! And now next up it's Dublin based death-rockers, The Fookers, with a self-penned number Shag Mutha Shag.
THE FOOKERS START GIVING IT THEIR ALL.
NUN:
That's more like it! Push it baby. Do it for me! Phaowarrrrr! Look at him! Oooh yess! Mother of God Yes! Yess! Yess! Oh yess!
THE MOTHER SUPERIOR GETS SOME HOLY WATER FROM A FONT AND THROWS IT OVER THE NUN WHO ABRUPTLY CALMS DOWN.
MOTHER SUPERIOR (ICILY):
Tell me sister. Do you really think that you're cut out for the religious life?
NUN:
Please forgive me Mother. It's just that sometimes I can get carried away. Please accept my apologies. I'll retire to my room and start some serious contemplation and prayer.
MOTHER SUPERIOR:
Very well sister. Please do so with all haste and ask that God forgives you. You wicked girl.
THE NUN LEAVES AND THE MOTHER SUPERIOR IS NOW ALONE IN THE ROOM. SHE LOOKS AROUND FURTIVELY TO MAKE SURE SHE'S NOT BEING WATCHED. CROSSES TO A CABINET AND TAKES OUT A DVD. SHE PUTS IT INTO THE MACHINE AND SITS BACK TO ENJOY THE TREAT. A LOOK OF ECTASY AND PLEASURE SPREADS ACROSS HER FACE THE TV SCREEN GOES BLANK AND THEN SOME TITLES APPEAR.
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THE MOTHER SUPERIOR SMILES AND SETTLES DOWN TO WATCH.
END:
