Interior of a building society, two assistants seated behind the counter.
A robber enters with something under his jumper to give the impression he is armed. He moves straight to the counter.
ROBBER: Okay, just put the money on the counter and no one’s going to get hurt.
ASSISTANT 1 opens drawer below counter and takes out about £150 and puts it on the counter.
ROBBER: Is that it?
ASSISTANT 1 nods to confirm.
ROBBER: It’s hardly worth my bother.
ASSISTANT 1: Well we don’t keep much now on account of (pause) well robbers.
ROBBER: That really is all there is?
ASSISTANT 1: Well for large withdrawals you’re supposed to give us three days notice.
ROBBER: This is ridiculous, I’ve got more than that at home.
ASSISTANT 1: You shouldn’t really leave it at home, it’s not safe. You could be burgled. You should put in the building society. Be safe there (pause) and you’d get interest.
ROBBER: How much interest?
ASSISTANT 1: Well it depends, do you pay tax?
ROBBER: I don’t think so.
ASSISTANT 1: Have you got an ISA?
ROBBER: What’s an ISA?
ASSISTANT 1: Tax free savings account, just everyone’s gotta have an ISA, I can’t believe you haven’t got an ISA. I tell you what, you get off and bring your cash back and we’ll get it sorted for you.
ROBBER: Brill, do I get a money box?
ASSISTANT 1: Go on then, been as I like you.
Robber turns and starts to leave.
ASSISTANT 1: Ooh nearly forgot, don’t forget to bring two proofs of ID back with you.
ROBBER: No probs, see ya.
ASSISTANT 1: See ya.
Robber leaves.
Beat
ASSISTANT 1 turns to ASSISTANT 2 (mouth hanging open in astonishment)
ASSISTANT 1: Aah what a nice man, I wonder if he’s married…..
