British Comedy Guide

Hitman Sketch

Ext. Multi Storey Car Park. Day.

A man, carrying a briefcase, walks over to a car with blacked out windows. He looks around and then gets in.

Cut To: Int. Car.

The man is now sat next to a hitman in the front of the car.

Hitman: So, I believe you've got a job you want doing.

Man: That's correct.

Hitman: And who is it that you want taking out?

Man: The Pink Panther.

Hitman: The Pink Panther?

Man: Yes! The Pink bloody Panther.

Hitman: May I ask why?

Man: Because I hate him! I hate his smarmy attitude! I hate his theme tune! And most of all, I hate his stupid little pink car!

Hitman: You do realise that he has a lot of men around him?

Man: Why do you think they call him the PINK panther?

Hitman: I meant security.

Man: Are you trying to say you're not up for the job?

Hitman: Ha! You do realise you're talking to the man who garroted Pugwash.

Man: I know.

Hitman: The man who smothered Charlie Brown.

Man: I KNOW!

Hitman: Good. Now, for a job of this scale, I will need a little extra money.

Man: I'll pay, don't you worry. Anything to be rid of that pink bastard!

Hitman: And how do you want him to 'go' ?

Man: Hang him by his blasted tail.

Hitman: That'll be £500,000. Have you got the money?

The man nods and hands over his briefcase.

Man: And I want you to bring me his scalp.

ENDS

It's a good idea, but too long, and the banter isn't that funny, plus it's a weak punch.

A few groaner could be,

Blow his yacht up, I want to sink the Pink Panther, that rinky dink Panther.

I killed the Bunny made it look like a street robbery, I mugged Bunny.

I did Charlie Brown gave his family good grief

I beat the captain to death with a small ugly dog, he was Captain Pug cosh

Well it was supposed to be more absurd than gagpacked, but hey ho.

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