British Comedy Guide

A couple more of my nr bits

IT'S THE OLYMPICS 2 2

TOM
Hi and welcome back to the Olympics some have said that China’s poor human rights efforts are affecting the enjoyment of the games.

KATE
Nonsense Tom, and it’s today’s highlights, the pistol shooting, where they’re using some slightly unusual targets.

TOM
Good shot, right in the back of the political prisoner’s neck.

KATE
Coming up next water boarding.

TOM
The US are hoping to get gold in that.

IT'S THE OLYMPICS 2

TOM
Welcome back, to the 2008 Beijing Olympics, I’m Tom Arto

KATE
And I’m Kate Tel- Records.

TOMAnd now it’s time for the 50 meters, the starter’s waiting to blow his whistle.

KATE
Whistle ?

TOM
Yes, since that starting pistol at the hurdles ignited that giant methane cloud from the nappy recycling dump, it’s for safety.

KATE
200 killed, a sad day for the Olympics, but a fine day for Tonga. Their athlete was the only one to survive, and won by default.

TOM
And the starter is blowing his whistle

KATE
And he’s still blowing,

TOM
That thick, oxygen free smog is quite something.

KATE
The race is about to start, no wait that’s an ambulance for the starter, I hope he’s ok.

TOM
Here’s the alternate starter, and wait he’s got two trash can lids.

KATE
He’s banging them together, and they’re off!

TOM
In different directions….

KATE
That smog is quite something.

TOM
Coming up next the Beijing marathon.

KATE
The hundred meter one.

These didn't really do it for me. Being a sport journalist, I've heard very similar things before - the Manchester Commonwealth Games in 2002 saw an endless array of jokes about how the shooting events would be in Moss Side, or about the triathlon swim in Salford canal.

Maybe try to make the jokes a bit less obvious somehow? Also, water boarding isn't an Olympic sport, so that joke didn't really work for me.

That said, the Chinese games should be ripe for satire so you could be on fertile ground.

Share this page