Countdown Sketch

WATERSTONE'S BOOK STORE. INT. NIGHT.

SUSIE DENT FROM COUNTDOWN'S DICTIONARY CORNER HAS BEEN CAUGHT STEALING A BOX OF DICTIONARIES FROM WATERSTONES.

POLICE:
'Ere, what's the meaning of 'this'?

SUSIE:
It is an adjective and a pronoun. It relates to the person or thing near or present or mentioned.

POLICE:
What?

SUSIE:
That's an adjective too though it can also be pronoun and an adverb as in 'what things' and 'to what extent'.

POLICE:
Now, just a minute...

SUSIE:
Noun. One sixtieth of an hour, made up of 60 seconds.

POLICE:
Enough!

SUSIE:
(RAPID) Adjective, adverb and noun. As much as necessary.

THE POLICEMAN BANGS HIS TRUNCHEON ON THE WALL AND PULLS A FACE AS IF TO MAKE SUSIE REALISE THAT SHE'S SAID ENOUGH.

SUSIE:
Sorry.

POLICE:
Right then - you have 30 seconds to tell me what's going on or I'll have to take you down the station.

THE COUNTDOWN MUSIC STARTS

SUSIE:
Well, I can see you are a man of high INTELLECT so I'll tell you the truth. I'd just been to a restaurant and had a SUCCULENT steak. I left there and was STROLLING down the High Street when I saw that the TRADESMAN door was open. In a HEARTBEAT I was inside and saw all the books - it was just WONDERFUL. I knew they'd be able to claim on the INSURANCE so I decided PILFERING was TOLERABLE in this instance.

THERE'S A PAUSE

POLICE:
This all a bit of a conundrum isn't it.

THE COUNTDOWN MUSIC FINISHES.

END

I liked this

However not sure if Susie Dent would be recognised out of context but I got the gist/essence/meaning/point/idea/sense/import/core/substance/drift/significance/nub/pith/quintessence etc.

I think Carol Vorderman would be more recognisable (although technically not as correct as your version)
Would have finished it after the start of the countdown music.

I thought it was good - and think Susie is a great choice - but if it were me, I'd clean it up a bit, something like this:

WATERSTONE'S BOOK STORE. INT. NIGHT.

SUSIE DENT FROM COUNTDOWN'S DICTIONARY CORNER HAS BEEN CAUGHT STEALING A BOX OF DICTIONARIES FROM WATERSTONES.

POLICE:
'Ere, what's the meaning of this?

SUSIE:
It is an adjective and a pronoun. It relates to the person or thing near or present or mentioned.

POLICE:
What?

SUSIE:
That's an adjective too, though-

POLICE:
(INTERRUPTING) Now, just a minute...

SUSIE:
No. Wrong show. But you‘ve probably seen me “Countdown.” (LOOKS COY)

POLICE:
I don’t care who you are – you’ve got 30 seconds to tell me what's going on or I'll have to take you down the station.

THE COUNTDOWN MUSIC STARTS

SUSIE:
If you think I Shanghai’d them, it’s all terminological inexactitude. I’m a certified crepuscular bibliophile and normally always remunerate but I must have had a temporary bout of misrecollection. I imagine the proprietor went into a paroxysm when he discovered my fiscal ineptitude. I suppose his caterwauling brought this cavalcade of constabulary upon me.

THE COUNTDOWN MUSIC FINISHES.

SUSIE (CONT):
It’s a conundrum, isn’t it?

POLICE:
Give me those. (TAKES DICTIONARIES AND FLICKS FRANTICALLY THROUGH THEM.)

END

I liked it too. But same as Writer2K, I wondered about Susie being big name enough. CV is obvious choice but she's not technically correct.

James' tidy-up (getting Susie to identify herself helps here) and taking it in a slightly different direction with the wordy ending I thought was good.

However it's your baby Tuumble and as such it would be your call to look at the edits and accept or dismiss accordingly.

But nice sketch.

Quote: James Williams @ February 18, 2008, 4:16 PM

I thought it was good - and think Susie is a great choice - but if it were me, I'd clean it up a bit, something like this:

WATERSTONE'S BOOK STORE. INT. NIGHT.

SUSIE DENT FROM COUNTDOWN'S DICTIONARY CORNER HAS BEEN CAUGHT STEALING A BOX OF DICTIONARIES FROM WATERSTONES.

POLICE:
'Ere, what's the meaning of this?

SUSIE:
This is an adjective and a pronoun. It relates to the person or thing near or present or mentioned.

POLICE:
What?

SUSIE:
That's an adjective too, though-

POLICE:
(INTERRUPTING) Now, just a minute...

SUSIE:
No. Wrong show. But you‘ve probably seen me “Countdown.” (LOOKS COY)

POLICE:
I don’t care who you are – you’ve got 30 seconds to tell me what's going on or I'll have to take you down the station.

THE COUNTDOWN MUSIC STARTS

SUSIE:
If you think I Shanghai’d them, it’s all terminological inexactitude. I’m a certified crepuscular bibliophile and normally always remunerate but I must have had a temporary bout of misrecollection. I imagine the proprietor went into a paroxysm when he discovered my fiscal ineptitude. I suppose his caterwauling brought this cavalcade of constabulary upon me.

THE COUNTDOWN MUSIC FINISHES.

SUSIE (CONT):
It’s a conundrum, isn’t it?

POLICE:
Give me those. (TAKES DICTIONARIES AND FLICKS FRANTICALLY THROUGH THEM.)

END

View original

Yep, that's far better.

Thanks for edit - I'll give you a co-credit if you can think where to send it!

Good idea, and a good groaner of a punch. But you take too long to get there. The recognition factor is enough, that'll work with very little explanation.

It's what I call a "shout out" where the bits are so familiar that the audience just get it.

Quote: Tuumble @ February 18, 2008, 4:41 PM

Yep, that's far better.

Thanks for edit - I'll give you a co-credit if you can think where to send it!

View original

Oh, glad you thought my suggestions were OK. We could send it to NewsRevue or Treason if it were a real story... one phone call to the Star should be enough...!

Aren't James's conundrums too long?

But the addition of "No - wrong game show" leaped out at me.

Quote: David Chapman @ February 18, 2008, 8:18 PM

Aren't James's conundrums too long?

But the addition of "No - wrong game show" leaped out at me.

View original

I don't think it matters that much as she uses words no-one has heard of. Having said that, perhaps a limit of 9 letters would be better.

Quote: Tuumble @ February 18, 2008, 9:17 PM

I don't think it matters that much as she uses words no-one has heard of. Having said that, perhaps a limit of 9 letters would be better.

View original

Well that is what the game is about after all. Not that I'm a Countdown nerd or anything.