Episode 2 of this. Read here or it's tacked on to the end of the original post.
https://www.comedy.co.uk/forums/thread/5295
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INT - THE SPAR SHOP - DAY
KHAN IS BEHIND THE COUNTER AND SHARON IS STACKING SHELVES WITH FRAY BENTOS PIES.
KHAN:
This is crazy I shouldn't be here. I was in my office talking to a Rep from Aunt Bessie and the next thing I know I'm in this crummy little corner store.
SHARON:
If I were you Mr Khan I'd watch out. Calling the store crummy when Mr Punt, the area manager, is due isn't a good idea. He got rid of Mr Singh for a lot less.
KHAN:
I don't care Sharon and I'll tell you why. This isn't real. In a minute I'll waken up and have a meeting about injecting perfumes into front-of-store to make the customer susceptible to increased buying trends.
SHARON:
Can I have that in English Mr Khan?
KHAN:
Oh never mind Sharon.
AT THAT MOMENT A SCREECH OF BRAKES IS HEARD OFF. SECONDS LATER THE SHOP DOOR IS NEARLY RIPPED OFF ITS HINGES AS JED PUNT ENTERS THE SHOP.
PUNT:
Stand by your display cabinets you bunch of northern nonces. You must be Khan.
KHAN:
And you are?
PUNT:
Jed Punt. Spar area manager and your guvnor sunshine. Right pal it's time for a crash course in doing things the Punt way.
See those two little gits over there by the biscuit section? We both know they aren't buying so how are we gonna deal with them?
KHAN:
I'd send the store security guard over to stand by them and get him to hang about. That ought to put them off and make them leave.
PUNT:
Wrong pal. Here's what to do.
PUNT CROSSES OVER TO WHERE THE KIDS ARE HANGING AROUND. HE PICKS ON THE BIGGEST ONE AND PUNCHES HIM IN THE STOMACH.
PUNT:
Right you two, f**k off or I'll break your necks!
THE TWO KIDS LEG IT OUT OF THE STORE.
PUNT:
So near, so Spar. That's the Spar way and don't you forget it. Don't give me any of that Nancy-boy marketing shit. All those bastards know is the school of hard knocks.
Right let's look at your bacon figures for the week.
CUT TO:
INT - SPAR BACK OFFICE - NIGHT
KHAN IS ALONE CASHING UP. HE'S INPUTTING FIGURES INTO AN ADDING MACHINE. C/U ON THE DISPLAY. IT SHIMMERS FOR A MOMENT AND THEN WE CAN JUST MAKE OUT JAMIE OLIVER'S FACE.
JAMIE:
Khan me old mate hang in there. We’re trying to get you back but you've had an accident. Your microwave oven developed a technical fault and the infra-red rays have acted on your brain and put you into a coma.
But don't give up. We've got our top people working on this. Just keep the faith and we'll get you back.
KHAN:
Jamie! Help me! Don't leave me here it's terrible. They've never heard of loyalty cards or computerised stock control and the closest thing to a sophisticated product is a Vesta beef curry. I don't think I can stand it much longer.
CUT TO: