SCENE #1.
INT. KITCHEN. DAY.
A YOUNG MUM IS PREPARING BREAKFAST FOR HER LITTLE DAUGHTER WHO SITS IN A HIGHCHAIR PLAYING WITH A SPOON. SHE HAS JUST SET THE TABLE FOR HER AND HER HUSBAND. SHE HAS A COLD AND IS WIPING HER NOSE BETWEEN STIRRING BABYFOOD. SHE PUTS A BREAKFAST PLATE DOWN AT ONE OF THE PLACE SETTINGS ON THE KITCHEN TABLE.
WIFE (SHOUTS)
Darling Breakfast’s Ready.
HUSBAND (OFF)
Coming.
SHE HAS A SUDDEN SNEEZE ATTACK, TURNING AWAY FROM THE BABY SHE SNEEZES IN THE DOOR FRAME, FOLLOWED QUICKLY BY ANOTHER SNEEZE. HER HUSBAND WALKS IN ON THE SECOND SNEEZE.
FREEZE FRAME
V\O
Despite an early miss there, the wife managed a superb pass second time around. I don’t think there is any doubt in anybody’s minds here that the husband has got possession of that germ. Hopefully we haven’t lost too much through that nearly fumbled exchange but only time will tell lets see that awkward moment in it’s glory once again.
SLOW MOTION REPLAY.
SCENE #2.
EXT. BUS STOP. DAY.
THE YOUNG BUSINESSMAN FROM SKETCH 1 STANDS IN A BUS QUEUE, HE IS SNIFFING AND CONSTANTLY WIPING HIS NOSE. IN FRONT OF HIM IN THE QUEUE ARE TWO OLD LADIES, A SCHOOL KID AND A YOUNG MUM. HE IS SUDDENLY GRASPED BY AN OVERWHELMING NEED TO SNEEZE, AND HE DOES SO SPRAYING THE QUEUE WITH HIS NASAL DISCHARGE, THE BOY CHOOSE THAT EXACT MOMENT TO YAWN.
FREEZE FRAME
V\O
Oh what a seamless pass to the young Ted Baxter, a relative newcomer to the game, who’s picked it up with ease. You can’t fault George Binkins with the hand over there, Many thought he’d left it too late and might lose the cold altogether but he’s playing the Russians at there own game, he’s leaving it till the last possible moment to hand over. Lets see that exchange again.
A SLOW MOTION ACTION REPLAY OF THE ABOVE.
SCENE #3.
INT. CHANGING ROOM. DAY.
THE YOUNG SCHOOL BOY (TED BAXTER) FROM ABOVE IS IN A SCHOOL CHANGING ROOM. VARIOUS BAGS ARE STREWN ROUND THE ROOM AND ONE PORTLY BOY IS STILL CHANGING. THE PE TEACHER WALKS UP TO HIM. TED IS SNIFFING AND LOOKS RUN DOWN.
PE TEACHER
So you’ve got a note from your Mum have you?
TED
Yes, Sir.
PE TEACHER
A Doctor is she?
TED
No Sir
PE TEACHER
Well pardon me if I don’t take her word for it now blummin well get changed.
A SNEEZE WELLS UP AND AS THE TEACHER IS TALKING TED CAN CONTAIN IT NO LONGER AND LETS RIP.
FREEZE FRAME
V\O
Oh, superb. I’ve not seen such a smooth pass since the Cheam epidemic of 1998. The plucky youngster clearly has all the markings of another Cindy Hemslow. They don’t come much better than that of course all credit to Mr Frame there with minimal fumbling he’s picked that germ up faster that you can say ‘Benolin’. Lets just take one more look at the hand over.
SLOW MOTION ACTION REPLAY.
SCENE #4.
EXT. PLAYING FIELD. DAY.
THE PE TEACHER FROM BEFORE IS ALL SNIFFLY AND IS STANDING ON THE SCHOOL PLAYING FIELD JUST BEFORE THE FINISH LINE OF A 400 METRES TRACK. HE ISN’T A HAPPY MAN. HE IS SHOUTING AT SOME KIDS OFF SCREEN.
PE TEACHER
Come on Jones pick your feet up.
A SNEEZE MAKES IT’S WAY TO THE TIP OF HIS NOSE AND DISSIPATES. FOLLOWED BY ANOTHER.
PE TEACHER
You’ve still got another 200 metres to go I don’t know what your laughing at Simkins.
A SNEEZE FORCES IT’S WAY OUT AND SHOOTING CLEAR OVER THE FINISHS LINE BUT SECONDS BEFORE IT DOES A BLOKE DRESSED IN TRADITIONAL RUSSIAN CLOTHES (WINTER COAT AND THE RUSSIAN HAT TYPE THING) WALKS INTO THE CORNER OF THE SHOT AND SNEEZES.
FREEZE FRAME.
V\O
Oh, my word a late surge from the Russians there just pipped Mr Frame at the post. Well that was most unexpected, the Russians wiping the nose of victory there, whilst all hopes for an English medal lie on the ground in an ever increasing pile of snot. A disappointing finish to what has been a superb run by the British team they cant help but be down-hearted at that. Lets just see the moment it all went wrong…
SLOW MOTION ACTION REPLAY.
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