Security Topical Sketch

Andrew Marr is sat in a chair. An empty chair is opposite him.

Andrew: Hello. Today, I, Andrew Marr, will be interviewing the new head of UK security – Mr Frank Shufflewaite. Come on down, Frank.

Osama Bin Laden enters and sits opposite Andrew

Andrew: Frank, say hello to the British public.

Osama: A thousand burning infidels to you all.

Andrew: Well done on becoming head of UK security. I believe you had to undergo stringent checks to get the job.

Osama: Oh yes. They asked me if I was a terrorist and I replied (SARCASTICALLY) “No! Of course not!”.

Andrew: People are saying that the UK is a soft target for terrorists. What are your plans to combat this?

Osama: We need to completely eradicate every aspect of Western Civilisation. Starting with Channel 5.

Andrew: They have just picked up Neighbours though.

Osama: Oh really? Well, we shall leave that for now, but Channel 4 had better watch their arses.

Andrew: I have just one more question for you.

Osama: Fire away, Andrew. Fire away like the fires of Jihad that will engulf you all.

Andrew: Now, is that a flaming sword of Islam in your pocket or are you just pleased to see me?

Osama: Mmmm, I like your ears.

It's very good, and similar to some stuff I've done, like it.

How ever, lose the intro it slows it, and the conclusion.

It' strong enough to just finish, but me personally I would individualize it for when you enter it.

For example make the Neighbors joke the ending.

I get thrown by superfluous words - your interviewer says "now" at the start of each sentence. I'd trim some of that out. People don't start every sentence with "now", "right then" or "okay".....but they seem to crop up in every script.

Yes, that's a good point M Lewis. I've re-edited it above now and I think it looks a lot better.

I don't think the Neighbours joke is very strong to end on, Sooty. However, I did shorten the intro dialogue.

This would be very funny if it didn't ring so true!

andrews lines read much better.

Also think the Neighbours line is stonger than 'The flaming sword' etc

could end it something like:-

Osama: We need to completely eradicate every aspect of Western Civilisation. Starting with Channel 5.

Andrew: But they've just picked up Neighbours.

Osama: Osama: Exactly