Int. Doctor's Surgery
A man is sat at a desk opposite a doctor.
Doctor: Well, I've had the results of your tests through. And I'm sorry to say that it would appear you've become one of the undead.
Man: The undead?!
Doctor: Yes. Whilst you can still walk about, you are in fact, as dead as a dodo.
Man: But how could this happen?
Doctor: Have you been in contact with the undead recently?
Man: Well I did spend a weekend in Eastbourne.
Doctor: That's probably where it started.
Man: Hmmm, I did feel a little peaky on the way home.
Doctor: Tell me, when you feel peckish, do you reach for a nice juicy apple? Or your loved one’s innards?
Man: You know, I have found myself wanting to smear my wife's abdomen with mustard.
Doctor: Yes, that's a typical symptom.
Man: Oh Jesus! What am I gonna do?
Doctor: Pull yourself together, man! You're talking as though your life's over. Well, technically it is, but it's not the end of the world.
Man: Yes it is!
Doctor: No, there's plenty of opportunities for the undead: Fast food operative, shelf stacker, daytime TV host.
The man begins to sob.
Doctor: This condition does have one other benefit as well.
Man: What's that?
Doctor: It will cure your impotence.
ENDS
